RvilleMB

In three days from now, I'll be trying to emulate the herculean efforts of Butter, Cockney Rebel, Ella Minnow Pea, KCneon, Trixi and Dan, and sit through an absolutely horrendous song for a period of time (8 hours in my case), in order to raise a couple of quid for charity.

I'm still set for doing this thing on Friday 13th, starting at 2 pm Cinncinati time, where I will be taking on the might of both the Matchroom Mob and Chas and Dave. I know for sure that many of you have never had the misfortune of living with the song "Snooker Loopy" for any length of time, but I'm sure a casual listen will have confirmed to you that it's rubbish.

I chose this "chirpy" cockney wankfest for a good reason - growing up in Stevenage, I attended a school that could only be described as "tough". Many of the older kids were soon-to-be paid up members of the National Front and/or football hooligans affiliated with Chelsea, QPR, Luton Town and the like, and a racially broad cross section of students coupled with those cunts always allowed for some pretty ugly fights during lunch break. Anyway, some of the shaven-headed ones adopted this song as their very own theme tune for a short time, and would sing it (with a new set of really uncool lyrics) en masse while walking through a gaggle of younger pupils (including me), encouraging us to join in. I resolutely refused to comply with those racist fuckers, as did a few of my peers. This situation always ended in a flurry of punches, with us younger folk invariably finding ourselves on our arses, claret decorating our school uniforms. Until one day.

Well, one day, I got lucky. During another terrible version of "Snooker Loopy", my old mate Prem took offence, and was instantly pounced upon by 2 older skins, who began to beat the stuffing out of him. Me and another friend intervened, I got a good sight of one of them, and clocked him a peach with my satchel. The beatdown ensued, as two Davids beat the shit out of Adolf Goliath. Unfortunately, one of the teachers was walking by as I put the final few digs in, and I was summarily frog-marched to the headmaster's office, where I suffered woe in the form of some stringent disciplinary measures. I felt hard done by, as did my friend.

After this incident, we carried on keeping our noses clean and after a little pressure from the bullies, they dropped the Chas and Dave rubbish, and left us alone. This is my time to put that chapter of my life to bed, purging all the shit by listening to a bunch of snooker players and a pair of old soak cockneys.

This one's for you, Prem.