Another Day in Torturethon

[foolsgold]

Tomorrow I'll be sitting through 8 hours of "Another Day in Paradise" by Phil Collins.  8 hours.

8 hours.

That's going to be a long week tomorrow.

I've sat down to write this first post a couple of times, trying to figure out what it is about Phil Collins that pisses me off so much.  Outside of a dopey ex-girlfriend, my exposure to his music has been somewhat limited.  And, in the musical spectrum, there are countless singers and bands that are contenders in the pantheon of awfulness who are so deserving of hatred (Eric Clapton, I'm looking at you).  What is it about Collins that taps into my soul, twists it and turns part of it black?

I guess I can't isolate it to one thing in particular.  It is a potent cocktail of his smug attitude, that "Golly Guv'nur" schtick, his cynical and paper-thin political statement songs (ADiP, Land of Confusion) paired with bafflingly inept pop songs (Sussudio, Invisible Touch).  Maybe it is because he sort of divorced his wife by fax.  Perhaps it is the fact that this fucker has been around for almost 40 years, having built a career on what, nothing.  

Sure, I hear the musos of you saying that early Genesis weren't bad, but they weren't that great either and Collin's influence could not have been that great.  Compare anything from the Peter Gabriel days with, oh I don't know, "I Can't Dance."  I won't claim to be any authority on Genesis and would be really hard pressed to be able to pick out any song from the Gabriel era.  The point is, I hate Collins, so why should I seek out anything that he's performed on.

But, 40 years of being a musician, albeit, a questionable one, it is obvious that the fucker is a cockroach.  He survived and flourished after Gabriel left Genesis, he owned the 1980’s, he pops up doing Disney movies, Cyndi Lauper songs and even guested on a Bones, Thugs and Harmony song (more on that later).  The point is, the fucker can't be stopped.  I guess I'd have let this thing go if, after 1989, he just disappeared, but things are never that easy.  

I am hoping to accomplish one thing tomorrow.  First, I hope to find some sliver of quality in the song.  Something I can sink my teeth into and say, "You know, maybe he isn't all that bad."  I want to be able to say, "Jeez, "ADiP", while not my standard faire, is much more than a cash grab at the expense of the homeless.  It speaks honestly, candidly and emotionally about the plight of those less fortunate than I.  Less fortunate than Phil."  

Honestly, I would like nothing more than to let this era of my life come to end.  I'd like Collins to be one of those guys I don't like, but have no impact on me.  

But, you and I know that isn't going to happen.  

Starting tomorrow at 8:00, I'll be spinning this one song.  Let's have some fun…

[Cockney Rebel]

You may find THIS a useful 'escape' as your day progresses?

Sadly, MK & I will be traveling for a greater proportion of your 'thon - but we'll be sure to check in as soon as we can upon arrival in Phil Collins' homeland.

Good luck, you must be Sus-sus-stupido!

[whigsgeek]

I've sat down to write this first post a couple of times, trying to figure out what it is about Phil Collins that pisses me off so much. [...] Maybe it is because he sort of divorced his wife by fax.

Personally, this is what did it for me, the greasy-headed little twat.

He survived and flourished after Gabriel left Genesis, he owned the 1980’s, he pops up doing Disney movies, Cyndi Lauper songs and even guested on a Bones, Thugs and Harmony song (more on that later).

And let's not forget the Miami Vice episode.

Good luck to you, sir! We'll be rooting for you.  [-o<

[kcneon]

Hey, fools - what I'll be curious about tomorrow will be how many hours it takes you before you feel like the walls start closing in.  Something happens to you have the 4-5 hour mark.

GOOD LUCK!

[Rafe]

Eight hours of listening to Phil Collins will seriously test your mettle. Christ, eight plays of the bloody song will be hard enough. The very best of luck to you on your unenviable quest. His music really is a bucket of shit.

Still, handsome, isn't he?

[cuddlyevil]

My dear, you are much braver than I am. I hope you incur no permanent damage.

[Sonic Boom]

Love the avatar... ta!

[Buzzstein]

Am I the only one who isn't bothered by Phil Collins?  Sure he does a lot of boring songs but he's just not that offensive to me.

[kcneon]

Am I the only one who isn't bothered by Phil Collins?  Sure he does a lot of boring songs but he's just not that offensive to me.

Nah, he doesn't irritate me, but I do see why he bothers people.  Personally when I saw him maybe in the early 90s it was really to see his back-up band (which was basically Clapton's band as well).  Nathan East & Greg Phillinganes - both great session players!

[Juliana]

I'm with you Buzz.  I even dl'd my mom's copy of his greatest hits into my iTunes.  Granted, I skip the songs 99% of the time, but I just don't think he's that bad.

[Jonathan]

Am I the only one who isn't bothered by Phil Collins?  Sure he does a lot of boring songs but he's just not that offensive to me.

Yeah, but the "divorce-by-fax" was pretty damn bad.

If SMS had been invented at the time, he probably would have used that.

[foolsgold]

The man is a taint.

[foolsgold]

OK, I was running a bit late this morning, but here are the vitals:

Official Phil Time - 8:07am
Official Phil Count - 3 full listens, 2 during my commute to work.
Emotional State - Exhausted, but determined
Official Hate-O-Meter - 4.7 (out of a possible 10)

This should be interesting.  I spent last night at my best friend's helping him get ready for his cross-country move.  Of course, by "helping" it involved me, the boys and a bottle of Woodford Reserve and some buffalo grass Polish vodka.  I slept about 2 hours last night and I smell like Eli Wallach in the Good, the Bad and the Ugly.  

Driving into work was difficult.  Traffic was light so I barely even had to fortune to concentrate on manuveuring between the lanes of traffic.  So, Phil, in all of his shrill glory, early in the morning.

[whigsgeek]

I smell like Eli Wallach in the Good, the Bad and the Ugly.

Yeesh. Definitely sounds like there's something in the air tonight.

[foolsgold]

Official Phil Time - 9:20 AM
Official Phil Count - 11
Emotional State - Caffinated
Official Hate-O-Meter - 4.9 (out of a possible 10)

The song starts with such hope.  It almost sounds like it might be something you'd hear on the "Young Guns II" soundtrack, nestled alongside a Bon Jovi song about iron horse and outlaw bandits, or whatever nonsense.

Really, did anyone buy Emilio Estavez as Billy the Kid?  

But, the initial soundscape, whale noises leads me to hope maybe a Sigur Ros song started by accent, then the Western-esque guitar and the pounding drums kick in.  I think, "Yeah, this isn't good, but then, it reminds me of a watered down Morricone track.  And even a watered down Morricone track is still pretty cool."

But then, that shrill, what is it, harpsichord, bells, xylophone kick in.  Ever element of hope is shattered upon the arrival of this ridiculously insipid, yet horrifically catchy hook.   Dah, dahdah, duh duhduhduhduh.