London Bridge: Because I'm a charity whore

[whigsgeek]

Someone I used to consider a friend at work told me he'd give me an extra $6 to listen to Fergie's "London Bridge" for a full hour immediately following eight hours of Hanson's "MMMBop." And I said I would. Why? Because I loathe myself.

I have actually only heard fifteen seconds of "Bridge" before snapping the knob off of my car radio in an effort to make it stop. Somebody better bring me alcohol and fast.

[Rafe]

Somebody better bring me alcohol and fast.

Logistically, that's difficult. However, I just visited the fridge for the first time this evening and popped a can of "it's the weekend!", and am breathing fumes over the keyboard as I type. Maybe you will get some virtual beer-buzz from that. Good luck!

[slow-dog]

Good god.  You are a glutton for punishment.  Go whigsgeek!

[whigsgeek]

TortureThon Time: 7 minutes
Number of Listens: 2
Mood: Don't even go there

What. The. Hell. Is. This. Shit.

[Rafe]

"Fergie love you long time". Yes, it's fucking shite.

I have contacts. I'll call them.

[whigsgeek]

TortureThon Time: 15 minutes
Number of Listens: 4

I would rather sit on Dick Cheney's saggy old-man diaper-wearing lap than listen to this for a full hour.

Sing along with me, won't you?

Oh sh*t, oh sh*t, oh sh*t.
Are you ready for this?
Oh, sh*t!
Oh!

It's me
Fergie
The pimp
Paulo!
Fergie Ferg, what's up baby?!
Come on

When I come to the clubs, step aside (Oh, sh*t)
Pop the seats, don't be hating me in the line (Oh, sh*t)
V.I.P 'cause you know I gotta shine (Oh, sh*t)
I'm Fergie Ferg
And me love you long time (Oh shit)

All my girls get down on the floor (Oh, sh*t)
Back to back drop it down real low (Oh, sh*t)
I'm such a lady but I'm dancing like a ho (Oh, sh*t)
'cause you know I don't give a f*** so here we go! (Oh sh*t)

[Chorus (x2):]
How come every time you come around
My London London Bridge wanna go down
Like London London London wanna go down
Like London London London be going down like

The drinks start pouring
And my speech start slurring
Everybody start looking real good (Oh, sh*t)

The Grey Goose got your girl feeling loose
Now I'm wishing that I didn't wear these shoes
It's like every time I get up on the dude
Paparazzi put my business in the news
And I'm like get up out my face (oh, sh*t)
'fore I turn around and spray your a*s with mace (oh, sh*t)
My lips make you wanna have a taste (oh, sh*t)
You got that? I got the bass (Uh)

[Chorus x2]

Ah, da, da, da, da, doo, doo, doo, doo
[Speech:]
Me like a bullet type, you know they comin' right
Fergie love em' long time
My girls support right?

Ah, da, da, da, da, doo, doo, doo, doo
Doo, doo, doo, doo
Ah, da, da, da, da, doo, doo, doo, doo

[Speech:]
Me like a bullet type, you know they comin' right
Fergie love em' long time
My girls support right?

Another A.T.O.
Cali collabo
Fergie and Paulo

When I come to the clubs, step aside (Oh, sh*t)
Pop the seats, don't be hating me in the line (Oh, sh*t)
V.I.P because you know I gotta shine (Oh, sh*t)
I'm Fergie Ferg
And me love you long time (Oh, shit)

All my girls get down on the floor (Oh, sh*t)
Back to back drop it down real low (Oh, sh*t)
I'm such a lady but I'm dancing like a ho (Oh, sh*t)
'cause you know I don't give a f*** so here we go! (Oh, sh*t)

[Chorus x2]

Sh*tting all over the world

[slow-dog]

Are those really the lyrics?  I don't think I've heard this song.

[Juliana]

And because of you, we know that that entire song would not be allowed on the Hanson Message Board.

[slow-dog]

Ashlee and Fergie--So Happy Together!

[Dan]

All this for only $6? You should have made your friend double it.  

Well done, Whigs.  Well...not well done yet. You've got some work to do.

[redbobsled]

This is one of those songs that, when I hear it, I stop everything I'm doing to marvel at it.  Of course, I've only heard it like 3 times.... in about 4 months.....

It was like watching a trainwreck when she performed it on So You Think You Can Dance this summer.  I could NOT tear myself away from the screen and even had to watch it a second time.  But an hour?  No way.

[whigsgeek]

TortureThon Time: 35 minutes
Number of Listens: 10
Mood: vindictive

Ahhhhh, the dumbing down of America. I would give anything for a bottle of Grey Goose right now ... so I could break it over the top of my head and put myself out of my misery.

[whigsgeek]

Somebody better bring me alcohol and fast.

Logistically, that's difficult.

FIND A WAY, MAN!

[whigsgeek]

TortureThon Time: 44 minutes
Number of Listens: 12
Mood: vindictive

I am paralyzed with numbness. I can't even bring myself to find any Fergie facts. This song is pretty much all the truth you'll ever need about her. Do you think there are high school marching bands in Bed-Stuy performing this song during halftime? Fuck Bedford-Stuy. And you, too, Spike Lee. You have nothing to do with this song, but Bedford-Stuy makes me think of your movies and so fuck you by association.

[Rafe]

Somebody better bring me alcohol and fast.

Logistically, that's difficult.

FIND A WAY, MAN!

I'm trying to send it to you. do you have an ether-nol hub? If so, check your mail, there should be a pint of ouzo in the attatched file I sent.