Movie tournament: The REAL final

[Butter]

vs.



Come on, don't disrespect these 2 fine champions!  Let's see some voting!

[berzerker]

God, no brainer...

I mean, go ahead and put up just about any movie vs. Adrienne Barbeau's cleavage... see who wins. And add Mel Tillis in for stuttering comic relief, and you can't lose!

[scurvygirl]

Damn Butter.  You totally beat me to this!  I was too lazy to set this shit up before work.
Nicely done!

[Cockney Rebel]

Dun-Dun Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

[Jonathan]

Damn Butter.  You totally beat me to this!  I was too lazy to set this shit up before work.
Nicely done!

That makes two of us. I was so going to do this.

And personally, I prefer Cannonball Run 2.

At least Rafe will be happy now.

[Jeff]

Who the flying hell voted for Star Wars?!

[Butter]

Dom DeLuise as the fat guy who thinks everything is hilarious.... Jamie Farr as the Arab... Dean Martin as the guy whose liver functions will shut down momentarily... the classic performances abound!  How can you vote against The 'Ball?

[Jonathan]

Let's break it down:

Star Power
Star Wars: Mark Hammill, Harrison Ford
Cannonball Run: Burt Reynolds.

Hammill ends up typecast as a babyface his entire career, an unfortunate fact that he ended up rebelling against, culminating in that unfortunate appearance in Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. Harrison Ford wasn't even the lead, and wouldn't achieve equal status with Hammill until after he was Indiana Jones. So when your lead gets passed by a supporting actor in the Star Power Sweepstakes, that's a problem.

Cannonball Run, on the other hand...Burt Freakin' Reynolds. All the women wanted to be with him, and, frankly, so did most of the men. He's Burt Freakin' Reynolds. Still making movies, while Mark Hammill is hiding out doing video game voices. Did I mention we're talking about Burt Freakin' Reynolds here?
Advantage: Cannonball Run

Fat Guy Sidekick
Star Wars: Chewbacca
Cannonball Run: Dom DeLuise

Chewbacca is even really that fat, he's just a big boy. Dom DeLuise, on the other hand...fat and funny. Captain Chaos? Hilarious.
Big advantage: Cannonball Run

Female Lead
Star Wars: Carrie Fisher
Cannonball Run: Farrah Fawcett

I don't recall seeing any posters of Carrie Fisher in a swimsuit with inadvertent nippleage. Plus...those buns on the side of her head? Really fucking stupid. There, I said it.
Advantage: Cannonball Run

Knights of the Realm in the cast
Star Wars: Sir Alec Guiness
Cannonball Run: Sir Roger Moore

Alec Guiness was a tremendous Shakespearean actor and all, but he's no James Bond. Roger Moore, on the other hand, actually is James Bond. Not to mention, he received his knighthood not for being a fine actor, but for his humanitarian work. That's got to count for something.
Advantage: Cannonball Run

Guest Stars
Cannonball Run: Adrianne Barbeau, Terry Bradshaw, Jackie Chan, Sammy Davis Jr., Jamie Farr, Peter Fonda, Jimmy the Greek, Dean Martin
Star Wars: umm...James Earl Jones's voice

Next.
Advantage: Cannonball Run

Actually, there is no next. I think I've made my point.

[Nate]

That's got to go in the 'zine.  I was laughing so hard I was crying.

[Jonathan]

Feel free.

See, I wasn't kidding. I do much better without deadlines.

[berzerker]

That is a classic !!  =D>

[scurvygirl]

I don't recall seeing any posters of Carrie Fisher in a swimsuit with inadvertent nippleage.

Yeah, but apparently she did a few porn movies.  Or so someone told me.


But anyway, I'm kinda glad I got Cannonball Run from the library a few weeks ago.  Otherwise I wouldn't know what the fuck you guys are talking about.

[cuddlyevil]

You know you'll be able to meet Brock Yates next month--right? Car and Driver's having it's 50th anniversary party at the indy motorspeedway (I think, could be mid-ohio) and he'll be there. They're doing a showing of cannonbal run and he'll be providing some commentary.

[Nate]

Yeah, but apparently she did a few porn movies.  Or so someone told me.

If she did, they were illegal.  She was 18 when the first Star Wars film was released.

Of course, there weren't the laws there are now in the porn industry.

[Rafe]

Dom DeLuise as the fat guy who thinks everything is hilarious.... Jamie Farr as the Arab... Dean Martin as the guy whose liver functions will shut down momentarily... the classic performances abound!  How can you vote against The 'Ball?

Exactly! I'd like to think Dean Martin was a template for the man I am proud to be today, and who else can possibly not vote for a film featuring Jack Elam's greatest movie performance, thanks to a syringe and his finger? Christ, the out-takes at the end of the film are enough to ensure victory, whatever the competition.

Bu'uh, justice seems to have been done. The lost sons of DeLuise salute you.