Bar wars, those crazy bar wars

[Butter]

You have the weirdest bar stories.  But every time you post one, it makes me wish you had one every day.

[cuddlyevil]

Can you wear a hidden camera next time you go out? Please?

[Wherle]

Yeah, this should totally be a show on Fox or something. You know, one of the good ones that they don't know what to do with, so they move it around and ultimately no one knows what time it's on or what day, and it gets cancelled? Yeah, one of those.

[kcneon]

Can you wear a hidden camera next time you go out? Please?

How great would that be...those vids would go viral in no time!

[berzerker]

Dude, you should make a baseball hat with a YouTube.com logo, and hide a camera in it... nobody would suspect a thing.

[Detta]

Just curious...what bar is this again?

[rva]

This is all at Sidewalk.

I go to pretty much all the Fan bars, but for some reason all the weirdness happens at Sidewalk.

I guess because the rest of the bars are filled mostly with either cheesy singles of no interest (most of the bars on Robinson Street) or hard-core coke fiends (Texas-Wisconsin, Sticky Rice).  Cafe Diem has a huge potential for weirdness with a large amount of older, hard-drinking singles looking to hookd up as well as a location in Devil's Triangle, but that's too far for me to walk.

[Detta]

Ahhh...you bring up fond memories of the one time I went to Sticky Rice with some acquaintances who I later found out were a bunch of hard-core coke fiends.

[Detta]

BTW, if you were planning on going to the fourth of July celebration at the racetrack, I can get you a free car pass.  (The fireworks are going to be bigger than the ones at the diamond or dogwood dell.)

[rva]

Here's a weird one from last night--

Anonymous Attorney1: Holy shit, it's the rickshaw chick!

RVA:  Yes!

*all run to window*

Anonymous Attorney2: Man, she is smoking.  Her calves are unbelievable.  Hey, "rickshaw chick" isn't racist, is it? 

RVA:  No, I don't think so.  I mean, it is a rickshaw.  Well not really a traditional rickshaw, but it's still a bike conveyance.  Sure there's modern technology but it still counts.

AA1:  Man, I'd love to have her pull me around.  Is that an unhealthy sign of mysogony?

AA2:  If you prefer that to making out in the rickshaw while someone else pulls you, then yeah.

RVA:  She's not that good, actually.  She's given me a ride before.  I got connections.  And $5.  I'd much rather be in the back with her.  If they were smart, that's how they'd do it.  $10 for some dude to pull you in the rickshaw while you sit in the back with her and impress all the bystanders.

AA1:  Yeah, pull up to some fancy restaurant with you and her in the rickshaw.  It'd be quite an entrance.

RVA: Or court.  That'll discombobulate an opposing counsel.  You try putting together a closing argument when the man staring you in the face arrived on a rickshaw with a hottie next to him.

AA1:  But it's not intimidating as it could be.  I mean, it's like on the one hand yeah you got a rickshaw, but it's like-- You don't have a car?

RVA:  That's the stealth factor.  It's crazy. Psycho-ghetto Oppulance, man.  It'll freeze you right up.

AA1:  No, I think it should be... what do they call the things where the people carry you.  A gurney?

RVA:  No, not a gurney.  But arriving in court on a gurney might be even nuttier.  That would totally throw you off your game.

AA1:  Hey, AA2.  Who'd you be more afraid of facing, rickshaw or gurney?

AA2:  Gurney.  *tv ad imitation* "How are you doing on that hit-and-run case?" "Not even a problem."  "But the opposing attorney is..... gurney guy!"  "...Let's settle this one."

AA1:  Here she comes again!  She looks like a younger, hotter version of that British woman on that robot show?

RVA:  Robot Wars?  You mean Phillipa Forrester?  She used to do "World's Strongest Man" too, I think.

AA2:  She could pull my gurney any day.

RVA:  That was oddly sexual despite making no sense whatsoever.

AA1:  Shouldn't the world's strongest man have to pull the gurney?

Bartender:  No one wants to see Bill Kazmier 'pulling his gurney.'  Magnus Ver Magnusson, maybe.

[Jonathan]

Magnus ver Magnusson is the greatest sportsman of this or any other century.

[cuddlyevil]

To borrow a phrase from the woxy boards: This story is boring without pictures!

[Jonathan]

AA1:  No, I think it should be... what do they call the things where the people carry you.  A gurney?

Tell the anonymous attorney the word he's looking for is "litter".

[MissKitty]

Thanks for the good laugh RVA!

[Ella Minnow Pea]

Again - hilarious!

AA2:  Gurney.  *tv ad imitation* "How are you doing on that hit-and-run case?" "Not even a problem."  "But the opposing attorney is..... gurney guy!"  "...Let's settle this one."

I think we have that ad, too. Ours stars Robert Vaughn, but I think I've seen William Shatner, too.