Randomville

Music => Randomville Torturethon => Topic started by: Rafe on October 10, 2006, 04:30:10 PM

Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: Rafe on October 10, 2006, 04:30:10 PM
In three days from now, I'll be trying to emulate the herculean efforts of Butter, Cockney Rebel, Ella Minnow Pea, KCneon, Trixi and Dan, and sit through an absolutely horrendous song for a period of time (8 hours in my case), in order to raise a couple of quid for charity.

I'm still set for doing this thing on Friday 13th, starting at 2 pm Cinncinati time, where I will be taking on the might of both the Matchroom Mob and Chas and Dave. I know for sure that many of you have never had the misfortune of living with the song "Snooker Loopy" for any length of time, but I'm sure a casual listen will have confirmed to you that it's rubbish.

I chose this "chirpy" cockney wankfest for a good reason - growing up in Stevenage, I attended a school that could only be described as "tough". Many of the older kids were soon-to-be paid up members of the National Front and/or football hooligans affiliated with Chelsea, QPR, Luton Town and the like, and a racially broad cross section of students coupled with those cunts always allowed for some pretty ugly fights during lunch break. Anyway, some of the shaven-headed ones adopted this song as their very own theme tune for a short time, and would sing it (with a new set of really uncool lyrics) en masse while walking through a gaggle of younger pupils (including me), encouraging us to join in. I resolutely refused to comply with those racist fuckers, as did a few of my peers. This situation always ended in a flurry of punches, with us younger folk invariably finding ourselves on our arses, claret decorating our school uniforms. Until one day.

Well, one day, I got lucky. During another terrible version of "Snooker Loopy", my old mate Prem took offence, and was instantly pounced upon by 2 older skins, who began to beat the stuffing out of him. Me and another friend intervened, I got a good sight of one of them, and clocked him a peach with my satchel. The beatdown ensued, as two Davids beat the shit out of Adolf Goliath. Unfortunately, one of the teachers was walking by as I put the final few digs in, and I was summarily frog-marched to the headmaster's office, where I suffered woe in the form of some stringent disciplinary measures. I felt hard done by, as did my friend.

After this incident, we carried on keeping our noses clean and after a little pressure from the bullies, they dropped the Chas and Dave rubbish, and left us alone. This is my time to put that chapter of my life to bed, purging all the shit by listening to a bunch of snooker players and a pair of old soak cockneys.

This one's for you, Prem.
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: Cockney Rebel on October 10, 2006, 04:53:51 PM
I have your phone number.
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: foolsgold on October 10, 2006, 04:55:11 PM
Adolph Goliath.

Awesome.

I'll be on the road for part of your "experience", but will be wishing you well (assuming that I haven't hung myself inside of a gas oven aftering necking a bottle of valium).
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: slow-dog on October 10, 2006, 05:28:28 PM
I'm thinking I might be able to move mine up from Saturday to Sunday to match Rafe's times.  Have to look into that.  I still need a copy of "LaLa" if anyone's paying attention.
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: Jonathan on October 10, 2006, 05:44:31 PM
What, you don't want to go onto iTunes and pay for it? ;)

I think Bill Nguyen should provide it for you, it's the least he can do. :twisted: Of course, his user account was wiped out by the Great Cataclysm...
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: slow-dog on October 10, 2006, 05:46:13 PM
Quote from: "Jonathan"
What, you don't want to go onto iTunes and pay for it? ;)

I think Bill Nguyen should provide it for you, it's the least he can do. :twisted: Of course, his user account was wiped out by the Great Cataclysm...


Actually, I'll go to iTunes if that's what it takes.  I just wanted to know if any friends wanted to make a virtual mix CD for me that only happen to have one track on it.
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: trixi on October 10, 2006, 07:15:41 PM
Quote from: "Cockney Rebel"
I have your phone number.


Rafe....time to change your phone number!   ;)
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: foolsgold on October 13, 2006, 09:18:18 AM
Tick.

Tock.

Tick.

Tock.
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: Dan on October 13, 2006, 10:05:40 AM
T-minus 4 hours...
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: whigsgeek on October 13, 2006, 10:50:17 AM
God speed, Rafe!
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: Juliana on October 13, 2006, 11:01:21 AM
Good Luck man.
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: Rafe on October 13, 2006, 01:34:10 PM
I've gone for an early kick-off, and started at 6.30 PM local time.

Let's have it.
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: Ella Minnow Pea on October 13, 2006, 01:34:51 PM
Good luck!
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: c-lando on October 13, 2006, 01:35:39 PM
You can do it, Mate. Be STRONG!
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: slow-dog on October 13, 2006, 01:40:13 PM
Don't bite your eyeballs Rafe!
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: Rafe on October 13, 2006, 01:46:13 PM
Thanks, all. I'm on listen number 5 at the moment. It's fantastic. Really sublime tune, particularly the chorus.
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: slow-dog on October 13, 2006, 02:07:34 PM
Has Rafe already succumb?
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: Rafe on October 13, 2006, 02:18:58 PM
I'm on my 13th listen* so far, and doing reasonably ok. By that I mean, as ok as one can feel after hearing such a shitty, one-dimensional novelty song without a pause. No dark memories, anger or violent thoughts, merely a mild irritation. Oh, and an increasingly dry throat coupled with images of cold beer.

To the task at hand, I've added one little caveat. For as long as I can manage, I'm actually listening to this while half-watching the video thanks to youtube. This means at least once per play, I have to see the beauty that is the Mob, because I have to physically press the "Watch Again" button to keep this dreck active. If and when I can't handle that anymore, I've got a back-up copy of the CD version right next to me. Everything's copacetic.

*Edit: 15th listen.
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: slow-dog on October 13, 2006, 03:00:41 PM
We're all snooker loopy!

I'm sick of the song, and I haven't even listened to it or watched the video today!
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: Rafe on October 13, 2006, 03:01:55 PM
I'm an hour or so in, and it's starting to get on my tits just a touch.  The main reason for this has begun to occur when I bring the screen up near the end of the song, poised to click on "watch again". Firstly, I see a group shot of the lads singing along to the chorus dressed in aitch knitwear, the uniform of the turd during the 80's. Secondly, an "action shot" - the chinese water torture-esque quality that the sound of those snooker balls clinking together is beginning to have on me is rising from novelty to annoyance. Finally, to cap it off, the final scene where we see both Chas and Dave staring at the camera giving the international sign for "loopy", with Chas apperaring to cross his eyes, a further indication of his loopiness. Now, I never realised until now, but I am struggling to think whether Chas is doing that cross-eyed thing on purpose, or if he is naturally that way. Whatever, it's making me irritable and a little sparky.

Beer tally: 1 (I was doing ok until the last "watch again". Beer 1 is officially open. I'm ignoring Tony Meo for now. Quite proud of myself in that respect)
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: Rafe on October 13, 2006, 03:01:55 PM
I guess that last post makes no sense without viewing it for yourselves:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fxMA_SU2Wps
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: foolsgold on October 13, 2006, 03:12:42 PM
I think just hearing that guy try to pronounce "goggles" would be the end of me.

And do Chas & Dave always look that catatonic?
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: clemsonfan on October 13, 2006, 03:13:24 PM
We'll show you what we can do with a load of balls and a snooker cue!
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: Rafe on October 13, 2006, 03:18:58 PM
Quote from: "foolsgold"
And do Chas & Dave always look that catatonic?

Remind me to take you to a boozer in NE/East London one day. They are positively lucid in comparison.
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: kcneon on October 13, 2006, 03:24:18 PM
Brave soul.  This song starts out whacky, so how on earth could you create a scale like fools had yesterday?  Just doesn't seem to fit.  

Are you singing to it?  Maybe that helps avoid a bit of the irritation (becoming part of the song rather than being passive about it).
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: Rafe on October 13, 2006, 03:28:50 PM
Quote from: "clemsonfan"
We'll show you what we can do with a load of balls and a snooker cue!

I'm reserving my thoughts on that until a little later. I don't want to say bad things while your children are still awake. Nedless to say, the cue was always my weapon of choice.

Ok, it's getting to me now. The novelty value has just been made redundant, and I'm beginning to want to punch people's tickets.
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: foolsgold on October 13, 2006, 03:33:23 PM
Rafe, good luck to you.  When I return from my trip, I look forward to either visiting you in your padded room or just reading about your survival techniques.
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: Rafe on October 13, 2006, 03:38:57 PM
Quote from: "foolsgold"
When I return from my trip, I look forward to either visiting you in your padded room or just reading about your survival techniques.

The padded room is as it's always been, never fear.

Beer tally: 2
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: slow-dog on October 13, 2006, 03:57:57 PM
Umm...Rafe, you can't watch this until you're done, but:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zdkJeQi0flM
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: Rafe on October 13, 2006, 04:07:37 PM
Quote from: "slow-dog"
Umm...Rafe, you can't watch this until you're done, but:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zdkJeQi0flM

I'm curious now, you bastard. Anything has to be better than this crock of shit.

Oh, and lovely talking to you, CR. My unsteady poise has now vanished, and the song's shittiness, coupled with my memories of why I hate it and my disdain for Barry "I love poor people, they mow my lawn" Hearn have been re-kindled. Thanks a lot, Guv!
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: rva on October 13, 2006, 04:12:21 PM
This song's been going through my head all day anyway, so I thought I'd go ahead and watch the video a few times in a row.  

God-DAMN, that's annoying.  

You can sorta get the verses to just blend into the background a bit, except each one of  those Matchroom mob assholes belt out their one line they're trying out for the Vaudeville circuit.
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: slow-dog on October 13, 2006, 04:13:14 PM
BECAUSE I WEAR THESE GOGGLES!

I watched it once again, and now I'm walking down the hall at the office and I catch myself singing.
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: JohnnyRoyale on October 13, 2006, 04:16:16 PM
Yeah, that's just flat horrible.

Hopefully Karen has gone to Iraq for the day, where it's more safe?
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: Dan on October 13, 2006, 04:33:05 PM
I was thinking of playing some snooker tonight.  Anyone care to join me?  Rafe?
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: Dan on October 13, 2006, 04:37:44 PM
www.flyordie.com/snooker/
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: Cockney Rebel on October 13, 2006, 04:51:09 PM
I wish I had photoshop here to be able to construct a pic of Siouxsie on her knees sucking Dennis Taylor's cock.
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: Rafe on October 13, 2006, 04:52:03 PM
Quote from: "rva"
You can sorta get the verses to just blend into the background a bit, except each one of  those Matchroom mob assholes belt out their one line they're trying out for the Vaudeville circuit.
My great-aunt's mum was a Vaudeville performer. That thought doesn't help me too much right now. You are right about the cameo one-liners, though. I'm starting to get worn down by Willie Thorne's "Perhaps I ought to chalk it?" line, and Terry the Taff's..... just Terry the Taff, basically.

My Ire is rising earlier than expected, so I've been trying to focus on the song and attempting to glean something positive about it. It's not easy, but I've a semblance of a safety blanket in the form of one of the closing scenes of the video. Same group shot featuring all those involved having a knee's up behind the mic, but try and look out for the phenomenally bald Wille Thorne brushing his comb-over (featuring seven strands of hair) with his left hand. It's hilarious!

Ok, I want to die now.
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: slow-dog on October 13, 2006, 04:56:36 PM
It's hard for me to pick witch one-liner is the worst.  I think PERHAPS I OUGHT TO CHALK IT might be the worst, just because his hair is so bad in the video.
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: rva on October 13, 2006, 05:00:09 PM
Quote from: "Dan"
I was thinking of playing some snooker tonight.  Anyone care to join me?  Rafe?


ooh me!  The only problem is, I forget the rules.  If only I had some way of remembering the order in which to pot the balls...
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: slow-dog on October 13, 2006, 05:05:07 PM
Quote from: "rva"
Quote from: "Dan"
I was thinking of playing some snooker tonight.  Anyone care to join me?  Rafe?


ooh me!  The only problem is, I forget the rules.  If only I had some way of remembering the order in which to pot the balls...


Well, first you pot the reds.  Then you screw back.......
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: rva on October 13, 2006, 05:05:15 PM
Quote from: "slow-dog"
It's hard for me to pick witch one-liner is the worst.  I think PERHAPS I OUGHT TO CHALK IT might be the worst, just because his hair is so bad.


It's HE'S GOT THE REST OF US SIGNED UP for me.  Because the verse is more about his agent than him.  It doesn't fit in.  Plus dude was already signed with his agent, so it should at least be HE'S GOT THE REST OF THEM SIGNED UP.  Only then it doesn't make any sense for him to sing the last line anymore since he's not even involved.  

I think I would be highly offended by HAIRBRUSHES FOR ME BARNET if I knew what the hell it meant.
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: Rafe on October 13, 2006, 05:12:55 PM
I'm not answering the phone again tonight. Not only do I have a dark, pestelant venom boiling in my veins thanks to CR's mention of Barry Hearn, foolsgold has just turned me into an enemy, and perhaps future invader, of Switzerland. Actually those and other calls helped a tad, in that they dragged me away from the video, which is still running. While on the phone I've been listening to a third copy, but not having the images was a little respite for which i'm grateful.

I'm still holding off on Tony Meo. For now.
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: Rafe on October 13, 2006, 05:21:39 PM
Quote from: "rva"
I think I would be highly offended by HAIRBRUSHES FOR ME BARNET if I knew what the hell it meant.

I'm amazed you even understood what he was saying. Good show.
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: Dan on October 13, 2006, 05:45:10 PM
I'm loopy.  But I'm not sure what I'm loopy for.  Anyone help?
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: Rafe on October 13, 2006, 06:01:08 PM
Beer Tally: 3

In the video right at the end, I'm starting to wish that Dave would just swipe Chas in the noggin with the headstock of his bass guitar. Really fucking hard.

I'm finding it difficult, now. My mind is going back to the reason why I chose the bloody song in the first place. The version those racist slags used to sing was "*Ethnic minority of your choosing* bashing nuts are we...". No need to write the other words in here, needless to say they were unpleasant and offensive. The verses only added to the borrowed song's nastiness. I remember how this song contributed towards all that xenophobia at my school for a short time, as it leant it a jaunty, sickly tune which somehow made it a favourite. Just like all those football chants we are so proud of. I'm seeing shaven headed faces, bloodied school uniforms and tarmac. I'm tasting my own fear and anger, and my realisation that even some skinny little idiot standing up alongside other people thinking that shit was wrong didn't do much good, but it did a lot more than joining in with the other cunts.

I also remember how boring Terry Griffiths was as a snooker player. Watching him play a shot was akin to having to stare at a tortoise through its entire hibernation period.
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: Dan on October 13, 2006, 06:04:50 PM
Is watching ANY snooker player exciting?
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: slow-dog on October 13, 2006, 06:27:47 PM
Quote from: "Dan"
Is watching ANY snooker player exciting?


Well, I knew this guy named Denny.  "Den" we'd call him.  Hours he'd spend down at the snooker hall.  On the old green baize, his mates seem amazed with his skills with a snooker ball,.
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: slow-dog on October 13, 2006, 06:42:18 PM
Rafe--when are you going to be ready to address Meo?  I've been holding back.
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: slow-dog on October 13, 2006, 06:47:04 PM
Quote from: "Rafe"
It's not easy, but I've a semblance of a safety blanket in the form of one of the closing scenes of the video. Same group shot featuring all those involved having a knee's up behind the mic, but try and look out for the phenomenally bald Wille Thorne brushing his comb-over (featuring seven strands of hair) with his left hand. It's hilarious!


I also like the part where Dennis Taylor adjusts his very-crooked glasses, then rolls his eyes in the back of his head.

I can't believe this song has caused me to learn the names of famous Snooker players of the 80s.

Fucking Chas and Dave.
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: cuddlyevil on October 13, 2006, 06:57:34 PM
Sweet jesus man, how have you not ripped out your ear drums by now?!?!?!

(I just watched the video on youtube, I stopped it once the kid started dancing to the song, forgive her she doesn't know better.)
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: slow-dog on October 13, 2006, 07:02:59 PM
It has been an hour since our last communication from Rafe.  Hope is fading......
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: cuddlyevil on October 13, 2006, 07:08:48 PM
Maybe he's stopped drinking the booze and started hitting himself over the head with the bottles? Would that numb the pain?
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: slow-dog on October 13, 2006, 07:11:33 PM
Unless he actually knocks himself unconscious, I suspect that part of his brain is still playing the chorus back to him.
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: JohnnyRoyale on October 13, 2006, 07:12:48 PM
That or Karen blasted him with a shotgun.

good for her
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: Rafe on October 13, 2006, 07:14:13 PM
Quote from: "slow-dog"
Unless he actually knocks himself unconscious, I suspect that part of his brain is still playing the chorus back to him.

Tell me about it. sorry about that absence there, my computet wasn't loving connecting to the internet for awhile, there. Sadly, it didn't have a problem playing my CD version of snooker loopy. Anyway, back to the video. Fuck.
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: Rafe on October 13, 2006, 07:17:22 PM
Quote from: "JohnnyRoyale"
That or Karen blasted him with a shotgun.

good for her

Karen has done the right thing, anfd gone to bed, shutting the door in th process. Her parting words? "Rafe, you are a fucking idiot. couldn't you have chosen a song, rather than the pearly King and Queen's theme tune?". I love Karen.
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: slow-dog on October 13, 2006, 07:17:36 PM
I'm going dark for a few hours Rafe, but keep the faith!  I'll check back in on your progress as soon as I can.  

Question for you, if you could shoot one person in this video, who would it be?
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: Rafe on October 13, 2006, 07:26:38 PM
Quote from: "slow-dog"
Question for you, if you could shoot one person in this video, who would it be?

At this point in time, that's a tough one to answer. I'll give it a go, but can probably only round it down to a top three. forgive me for my following indecisiveness:

1. Tony Meo
2. Tony Meo
3. Barry Hearn

I'll expand once I grab a beer.

Beer tally: 5 (The pace is steady, but it picked up a tad while trying to reconnect).
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: Rafe on October 13, 2006, 07:38:51 PM
3. Barry Hearn

I have to be a little circumspect here, as Hearn is known as a very powerful cu..boxing promoter and sports mogul, with some very dangerous, mental and rather shadowy friends. He's also an absolute toilet. I've always hated his supercilious grin, talent for draining money out of hard-working people in order to establish a foothold in a "new" industry, and his blatant disregard for the sporting fraternity while appearing to be it's most charitable friend. Basically, he is Don King without the comedy hair. Furthermore, if he walked into my old man's local pub, I know at least three good honest men who would launch into him with the verve of a food addict attacking a jelly trifle.
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: Rafe on October 13, 2006, 08:01:35 PM
This really isn't funny anymore.

I actually got stressed out about trying to log in and post an update earlier, and that has just made things worse. During that time, I was still listening to this shit, but it sounded somehow worse. No words registered, yet the buoyant keyboard riff seemed to be bouncing around on my vital organs as I became more agitated with my computer's internet capabilitites, and an absolute urge to get this thing done properly, for the cause. I'd get access, a few seconds later it would break up, and it was as if Chas had instructed the matchroom mob to pile on the misery by popping up with their absolutely futile and insipid warblings at the exact time I was trying to reconnect.

And slow-dog:

2. Tony Meo

I don't like him at all (see 1., which will follow when my vitriol peaks. At the moment, I'm exhausted and it's troughing.)
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: rva on October 13, 2006, 08:06:43 PM
38,000 says you won't make it!
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: Rafe on October 13, 2006, 08:14:38 PM
Quote from: "Mr. Maximum"
38,000 says you won't make it!

Is that your career winnings? You're on!

(You bastard)
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: Ella Minnow Pea on October 13, 2006, 08:19:25 PM
Is the the almost 7 hour point?
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: Dan on October 13, 2006, 08:23:17 PM
I've decide to rank my hatred.  But for starters...

(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v672/mistergugi/woxy/snooker02.jpg)

You have to admit they are mightily ugly.  Yuch.  

Super Star #4
(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v672/mistergugi/woxy/snooker05.jpg)
I don't like him.

Super Star #3
(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v672/mistergugi/woxy/snooker04.jpg)
This guy needs to do something better with his hair. Since they are making fun of his pate in the tune, you'd think he'd get the idea and come up with something better than this.  Ugh.

Super Star #2
(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v672/mistergugi/woxy/snooker03.jpg)
I really really don't like him.  His glasses are bad. His sweater is bad. His snooker is bad.  Well, I assume it is, because it's clear they were going with a theme here.  I'd do just as well if I were never to see a picture of him again.

Super Star #1
(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v672/mistergugi/woxy/snooker01.jpg)
And he's the worst.  Gad, when I first watched this video a few weeks ago I remember shuddering at seeing him.  And here I am again.  There's a sort of inherent hatred of this man.  It's his song. It's his video. It's his topic.  It's his face. It's his beard. It's his swaying back and forth in the video. It's his shirt. It's everything about him.  

 :2gunfire:

(and if you thought I was trying to clog up Rafe's thread with needless screen shots of his favorite band...you were right.)
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: Rafe on October 13, 2006, 08:27:08 PM
I want to stab this video in the face with a fucking broadsword.

I'm absolutely despising the song, now, but the snippets of video i have to watch are compounding my hatred. Chas, Dave, thanks for "Ossie's Dream" and "Rabbit", but if I ever hear you playing this song again within 30 miles of my house, I will visit you bearing weapons of righteous and bloody justice.

Interesting fact - Chas and Dave still tour, and I believe played Glastonbury last time out. However, for several years, now, they haven't spoken together at all due to the fact that they absolutely despise each other. That's despite the fact they play on stage together. Fucking primadonna's.

PS: At this moment in time, I hate you all, unreservedly.
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: Rafe on October 13, 2006, 08:56:22 PM
Quote from: "slow-dog"
Rafe--when are you going to be ready to address Meo?  I've been holding back.


1. Tony Meo

I'll begin by apologising if a member of Mr. Meo's family reads this; i'm sure Tony is a great husband and father.

I hate that strutty little fucker. He was a shit player, and rather than being "dapper", he wore the kind of shiny suits that would have looked better if worn by members of Showaddywaddy. Add to that, i've had to listen to his "eyeballs" line myriad (ok, a lot of) times now, and every time I hear that line or see his fucking performance on the video, I want to reach into the screen/speakers and crush his larynx. I wouldn't bite his eyeballs, I'd spoon them out with my teeth and spit them out at passing cars, the twat. The thing that gets me, though? The way he eats spaghetti. If he ate like that at my table, i'd.....you get the picture.

I need this song to stop now. It's entirely too much for me.
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: rva on October 13, 2006, 09:13:40 PM
Random factoid:  Showaddywaddy are from my hometown of Leicester!

How do I know this?  Because I've had to wikipedia the crap out of almost this whole thread.  That video is about the Britishest thing I've ever seen.  

Rafe, are you aware that most of us have almost no idea who any of the people in that video are-- including Chas and Dave?  

We really have no context for this song at all.  Not just a specific personal experience, but the whole thing.  The people, snooker, half the phrases in the lyrics, none of it.  AND IT STILL SUCKS REALLY BAD.  I can't see how you're doing this.
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: Rafe on October 13, 2006, 09:21:49 PM
Quote from: "Mr. Maximum"
Random factoid:  Showaddywaddy are from my hometown of Leicester!

How do I know this?  Because I've had to wikipedia the crap out of almost this whole thread.  That video is about the Britishest thing I've ever seen.  

Rafe, are you aware that most of us have almost no idea who any of the people in that video are-- including Chas and Dave?   I don't think I've ever even seen a snooker table.

I know. Sorry. I usually try and post in an american-friendly fashion, but for this particular cause, i just had to go for the worst. the worst in this case was shitty cockney tuneage about a sport played  by people that don't play sport, usually. If I'd chosen something else, it'd be too easy. I hope after this you hate these guys as much as I do.

On a different note:

Nearly there. Fuck you, skinhead!

Beer tally: 8
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: Rafe on October 13, 2006, 09:28:37 PM
Two more plays.
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: Ella Minnow Pea on October 13, 2006, 09:35:45 PM
Have you survived?
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: foolsgold on October 13, 2006, 09:36:43 PM
Go on, my boy!
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: Rafe on October 13, 2006, 09:39:07 PM
I'm over the song. It's done. Fuck you, skinheads at my school. Chas, Dave, i won't listen to you for aeons, but if Spurs ever win the Premiereship, please sing the club song. I'll just club you with an ashray if you ever play this one again.

There you go, Prem. All done, mate.
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: rva on October 13, 2006, 09:41:26 PM
=D>  =D>  =D>  :wav:  =D>  =D>  =D>
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: trixi on October 13, 2006, 09:48:09 PM
Rafe, I'm here for you in the last few minutes.  Just checking in to make sure you've survived.  I've been working at the pool since you've started this, and of course had no computer with me.

But don't worry, I'll be with you to the bitter end.
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: Buzzstein on October 13, 2006, 09:57:23 PM
All clear?? How long was that??
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: rva on October 13, 2006, 10:49:00 PM
Quote from: "Rafe"
I know. Sorry. I usually try and post in an american-friendly fashion, but for this particular cause, i just had to go for the worst. the worst in this case was shitty cockney tuneage about a sport played  by people that don't play sport, usually. If I'd chosen something else, it'd be too easy. I hope after this you hate these guys as much as I do.


Nono, I loved it.  It's a song that I think none of us (other than CR) had ever heard before, and it just sort of expanded the horizons of craptastic and leant an international flavo(u)r to the whole thing.

I had to look up all the people involved in the song and "pearly king and queen," but then I laughed my ass off.  That was truly edutainment at its finest.
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: Cockney Rebel on October 14, 2006, 06:08:06 AM
Rafey my boy .... that was a fantastic achievement. There's a TV sport in this somewhere.

Please call me regarding representation.

Yours faithfully
Barry Hearn
(Ambassador to the Stars)

1-800-GOUGE
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: Dan on October 14, 2006, 09:05:32 AM
Congrats Rafe!  Well done. Very well done.

Quote from: "rva"
I had to look up all the people involved in the song and "pearly king and queen," but then I laughed my ass off.  That was truly edutainment at its finest.

I looked it up too.  Hah!
(http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/0/0b/Pearlykingandqueen.jpg/200px-Pearlykingandqueen.jpg)
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: JohnnyRoyale on October 14, 2006, 01:27:00 PM
Great Job Rafe, certainly entertaining!!
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: whigsgeek on October 15, 2006, 11:03:45 AM
Great job, Rafe! Here's to ya! :occasion5:
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: Jonathan on October 15, 2006, 11:54:06 PM
Quote from: "Cockney Rebel"
Rafey my boy .... that was a fantastic achievement. There's a TV sport in this somewhere.

Please call me regarding representation.

Yours faithfully
Barry Hearn
(Ambassador to the Stars)

1-800-GOUGE


Rafe, I'm afraid I'm a bit cash poor at the moment, but here's what I'll do in honor of your achievement:

I pledge to start a game in Football Manager 2007 once it ships at the end of the month, and take Leyton Orient all the way straight down to the British Gas Business Southern League Division One South & West. By the time I'm through, Barry Hearn's stake in the club will be worth approximately four quid.
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: slow-dog on October 17, 2006, 03:43:58 PM
Rafe---any lingering after-effects?  I envision you one day running into Tony Meo at the airport, and then seeing reports about a potential terrorist on a rampage at Heathrow biting out the eyes of the famed snookerballer.*

*that's what you call them, right?
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: slow-dog on October 17, 2006, 03:46:37 PM
Also, the MPA performs a valuable service. (http://www.fretplay.com/tabs/c/chas_n_dave/snooker_loopy-crd.shtml)
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: Rafe on October 18, 2006, 07:04:03 PM
Quote from: "slow-dog"
Rafe---any lingering after-effects?  I envision you one day running into Tony Meo at the airport, and then seeing reports about a potential terrorist on a rampage at Heathrow biting out the eyes of the famed snookerballer.*

*that's what you call them, right?

No, we call them effing c's*. That's right, as in "Steve Davis, well known effing c, was picked up by police today for a traffic violation. It was alleged that Davis, resident of Boringwood, Essex, had waited in his car for a total of 4 minutes at a set of traffic lights before choosing to engage gear and accelerate after the sign had gone from red to green 43 times. Chief Constable Grueling said of the custodial process, "It took three minutes for him to realise I wasn't a blue ball - after 7 minutes or so we booked him on resisting arrest, as he had insisted on staying in his car to chalk his wrists for that time period until we cuffed him. Then, we beat him shitless if only for that one song"".

Thanks, Chief Constable Grueling.

Other than that, no lingering after effects, thanks! However, I do tend to hyperventilate when our two cats want attention and say to me, "Meow".

*we actually call them snooker players. Boring, eh? No surprise, I know.
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: Rafe on October 18, 2006, 07:30:53 PM
Quote from: "slow-dog"
Umm...Rafe, you can't watch this until you're done, but:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zdkJeQi0flM

Brilliant. I saw it over the weekend and it cracked me up.

Do Paula Cole and Ashlee Simpson Have Spitting Image puppets moulded in their "honour"? They ought to. Imagine the fun they'd have with Hanson?
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: Salad Days on October 24, 2006, 01:11:32 PM
Quote from: "Rafe"
I guess that last post makes no sense without viewing it for yourselves:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fxMA_SU2Wps



"Cause I wear these goggles!"
That was priceless! Although I'd imagine the novelty would wear off, like...the very next time I had to hear it


I'm still reading it over, Rafe, but I'll go ahead and give you a premature Congratulations on a job well done. Although if anyone wasn't able to finish, I could see it being this song that was the cause
Title: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: Jonathan on October 24, 2006, 02:23:57 PM
Upon watching it again, I tried to figure out which of the cameo lines annoyed me the most. At first, I thought it was the much-derided Willie Thorne line "Perhaps I ought to chaaaaaaalk it.", but upon further reflection, the "honor" goes to Dennis Taylor and his "'Cause I wear these gaaaaaaaah-gles!" line, for that rare competition of annoyingness and completely unfashionable 80's eyewear.

Well done, Den!
Title: Re: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: mattsledge on November 03, 2006, 11:21:05 PM
Quote from: "Rafe"
I know for sure that many of you have never had the misfortune of living with the song "Snooker Loopy" for any length of time, but I'm sure a casual listen will have confirmed to you that it's rubbish.

Oh. My. GOD.

I actually remember that horrid song. I was living in England in 1986, and heard it. Even back then I could tell that it was complete and utter crap.

And not having heard it for 20 years, the damned chorus is STILL in my head.

(yes, I have not been keeping up on this forum. You may shoot me for that.)
Title: Re: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: JohnnyRoyale on November 04, 2006, 01:06:40 AM
Quote from: "mattsledge"
Quote from: "Rafe"
I know for sure that many of you have never had the misfortune of living with the song "Snooker Loopy" for any length of time, but I'm sure a casual listen will have confirmed to you that it's rubbish.

Oh. My. GOD.

I actually remember that horrid song. I was living in England in 1986, and heard it. Even back then I could tell that it was complete and utter crap.

And not having heard it for 20 years, the damned chorus is STILL in my head.

(yes, I have not been keeping up on this forum. You may shoot me for that.)


 :2gunfire:

 :2gunfire:

 :2gunfire:
Title: Re: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: mattsledge on November 04, 2006, 01:26:05 AM
Quote from: "JohnnyRoyale"

 :2gunfire:

 :2gunfire:

 :2gunfire:

Thank you sir, may I have another?

And for the record, I just watched the video for Snooker Loopy. Here's hoping I don't hear it for another 20 years if I'm still alive by then because it STILL sucks.
Title: Re: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: Cockney Rebel on September 22, 2018, 04:40:42 PM
Sadly, Chas of Chas & Dave popped his proverbial clogs earlier today.
Title: Re: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: mattsledge on September 23, 2018, 10:37:31 AM
Sadly, Chas of Chas & Dave popped his proverbial clogs earlier today.
I'm guessing it was Snooker Loopy overload.

Sorry, I had to.
Title: Re: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: euro60 on September 23, 2018, 10:33:27 PM
mattsledge is alive!

Great seeing you.
Title: Re: Torturethon - It's Snooker Loopy
Post by: mattsledge on September 23, 2018, 10:55:38 PM
mattsledge is alive!
Don't tell anybody, man. That's how the rumors get started!