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Randomville! => Main Street => Topic started by: Rafe on June 13, 2005, 06:24:59 PM

Title: "You Won't Believe What I Did Once...!"
Post by: Rafe on June 13, 2005, 06:24:59 PM
Earlier today, I was talking to an old friend of mine, and he reminded me about the time we were drinking 'flaming sambucas' one incredibly drunken evening. As I put the fiery glass towards my mouth I inadvertently sneezed, thus projecting the flaming liquid onto my fingers and burning them to a crisp. At the time, all my mates cracked up at my stupidity. As old friends do, he then set about reminding me of some of the frankly ridiculous things I've done over the years and we had a bloody good gums up!

Thus, this thread. What utterly stupid things have you done in your life that have made your friends/people around you laugh like hyena's at/with you?

I need a good giggle, and as the topic suggests, it can be quite amusing and cathartic to have a laugh at your own expense. Fear not, I have myriad examples of my own idiocy to make you all feel better about your unfortunate experiences, but I thought this might be quite fun.

Share!
Title: "You Won't Believe What I Did Once...!"
Post by: vizzah on June 13, 2005, 06:33:35 PM
the story about "DRUNK2K" always gets everyone roaring.  or, stories plural, i should say.  i got good and loaded and used a two-story contraption known as the "rama-lama-beer-bong," except filled with kessler's and coke in my case, and flashed a bunch of people on a busy state route (725).  then i dove into a baby pool that i didn't notice was filled with full cans of beer.  after that, i bitch-slapped a UD law student for getting fresh with my date...then climbed onto the hood of a car, spraying a 40 oz of king cobra everywhere, asking loudly if i could "get arrested for being this punk roooooock!?"
the next day i woke up at my parents' house, alone and in a court jester's hat, unable to locate my pants or my car.  after a quick recap visit downstairs, i realized i'd come home and drank all the beer, then made some sort of concoction involving slim fast powder, milk, honey brown ale, peanut butter and saltines.  

later i found my car at the host's house.  i also found him lying in front of his garage door proclaiming, "my eye is too big for my eyehole!"

c-land, please keep in mind this is what's in store for YOU in t minus 15 days!
Title: "You Won't Believe What I Did Once...!"
Post by: Rafe on June 13, 2005, 06:46:07 PM
Quote from: "vizzah"
c-land, please keep in mind this is what's in store for YOU in t minus 15 days!

Make sure you don't have slim fast powder, milk, honey brown ale, peanut butter and saltines in your house when Vizz turns up, c-lando. That blend sounds fucking disgusting!

Brilliant story.
Title: "You Won't Believe What I Did Once...!"
Post by: Buzzstein on June 13, 2005, 06:46:53 PM
amusing...HAHAHA!  Tell us some more stories Vizzah and Rafe.

I've never done anything stupid in my life, so I have nothing interesting to share.  Sorry.
Title: "You Won't Believe What I Did Once...!"
Post by: scurvygirl on June 13, 2005, 07:34:10 PM
This one time, I got drunk and kicked l.diddy in the junk.  And then I slapped him really hard.  Because unlike TEng, he was too slow to block me.  Learn from TEng, l.diddy.  He knows how to block the bitch slap.
Title: "You Won't Believe What I Did Once...!"
Post by: The Engineer on June 13, 2005, 07:39:59 PM
Once I went to a bar with some fine young German lasses.  Mind you, these were the two hottest German girls I have ever been able to convince to drink with me.  I got rip roaring drunk and started proclaiming to the whole bar that "All Germans are Nazis."  and "I like to kill Nazis."  I stopped drinking for a couple of months after that incident.
Title: "You Won't Believe What I Did Once...!"
Post by: Action Jim on June 13, 2005, 08:48:52 PM
Quote from: "thelunarbee"
This one time, I got drunk and kicked l.diddy in the junk.  And then I slapped him really hard.  Because unlike TEng, he was too slow to block me.  Learn from TEng, l.diddy.  He knows how to block the bitch slap.


Just for the recod, you also threw pretzels.  And almost killed CockneyRebel.  And told Kwyjibo to "eat a dick," and then to "eat a whole plateful of dick."  But those last two were pretty damned funny, so it more than makes up for all that other stuff.  

As for things I've done...

Well, this one comes to mind because of the trampoline thread.  This was in high school, and I was with some friends of mine.  The kid whose house we were at had a very big trampoline.  Now, it's time for a little physics lesson:  there's a little trick you can do with a big trampoline if you get enough people on it.  Get four or five of them around the outer edges, and one in the center.  Then time the bounces so that the people around the outside land a moment after the person in the center, just before the trampoline is about to propel that person back up into the air.  What this does is impart tremendous tremendously dangerous amounts of kinetic energy into propelling the center person upward, so that they go much higher than they would normally.  

This is all fine unless people get out of synch, and then the person in the center gets shot out at about a 45 degree angle and lands in the yard and breaks his leg.  

Unfortunately, that's not what happened to me.  If I'd done that, people might have been sympathetic.  Instead I only mostly got propelled toward the outer edge of the trampoline, and landed on the steel outer support ring.  Or I should say I landed straddling the steel outer ring, which was made of approximately 2.5" pipe.  Now I weighed a more svelte 160 pounds at the time, but that's still a lot of weight to land on your nutsack with, particularly when it's accelerating at 9.8 m/s/s from about 10 feet in the air.  

It hurt.  A lot.  

I rolled off and landed in the yard, where I lay for a moment.  My worst mistake was saying "I'm okay," because that's when the laughter started.  I crawled off to my car where I laid in the backseat for a while, aching.  

I have not been on a trampoline since.

----

There were of course many substance-fueled instances of idiocy in my college career.  For example, I was once at a party and trying to light a cigarette for a girl off of a stove, because someone had taken her lighter.  Suffice to say that if you're trying to do this while inebriated, be careful, or else you'll scorch off a lot of your hair.  And people will laugh at you.  The only good side is that it apparently turned off the girl I was lighting it for, who (as was explained to me later) was of questionable virtue.  So I was better off that my drunken pursuit of her was foiled.
Title: "You Won't Believe What I Did Once...!"
Post by: Nate on June 13, 2005, 09:03:38 PM
I jumped naked out of a 3rd story window into an eight ft. pile of snow once.

I won by the way.
Title: "You Won't Believe What I Did Once...!"
Post by: scurvygirl on June 13, 2005, 09:05:24 PM
Quote from: "l.diddy"
Quote from: "thelunarbee"
This one time, I got drunk and kicked l.diddy in the junk.  And then I slapped him really hard.  Because unlike TEng, he was too slow to block me.  Learn from TEng, l.diddy.  He knows how to block the bitch slap.


Just for the record, you also threw pretzels.  And almost killed CockneyRebel.  And told Kwyjibo to "eat a dick," and then to "eat a whole plateful of dick."  But those last two were pretty damned funny, so it more than makes up for all that other stuff.  


Ohhh, I forgot about what I said to Kwyj.  No wonder he's been such a cockmuncher today.

Oh, and this one time, I flashed a passing car full of guys who were yelling shit at like 2am in downtown Dayton.
Title: "You Won't Believe What I Did Once...!"
Post by: Action Jim on June 13, 2005, 09:06:14 PM
Ah, Der Vizzah's story of "DRUNK2K" reminded me of a particular New Year's Eve story from a few years ago.  I was at a party, and I was single at the time.  I was tearing through Bombay Sapphire like it was my full time job.  Now, if I happen to be single and drunk, and if you're hot and you come on to me, I will absolutely make out with you, no questions asked.  

.

.

.


Even if your fiance is right downstairs.  

That evening ended poorly.  

But at least I didn't get my ass kicked, since he was more mad at her than me.  Just for the record (not that this makes it right), I didn't know the guy, so I'm not a total asshole.  Right?
Title: "You Won't Believe What I Did Once...!"
Post by: scurvygirl on June 13, 2005, 09:10:42 PM
Now what about stuff done while sober?
Because in the past two weeks, I've a) propositioned a guy who was in drag and b) sat in a furry's lap.
Now just for the record, I didn't know the guy was a furry until later.  The first clue should have been when he had to turn around three times before sitting down.  Seriously.  Oh how I wish I was making that up.
Title: "You Won't Believe What I Did Once...!"
Post by: Jonathan on June 13, 2005, 09:50:48 PM
Quote from: "Nate"
I jumped naked out of a 3rd story window into an eight ft. pile of snow once.

I won by the way.


You won what?
Title: "You Won't Believe What I Did Once...!"
Post by: LanneyD on June 13, 2005, 10:31:29 PM
I was looking for shoes a while back, and figured they'd have them at Dick's Sporting Goods.  I decided I'd check their website first, and possibly save myself a trip.  So I typed in dicks.com.  Needless to say, I didn't find my shoes on that website.
Title: "You Won't Believe What I Did Once...!"
Post by: Cockney Rebel on June 13, 2005, 10:51:24 PM
One year during the annual two week 'summer holiday' (always known as "The Lads on Tour") with all my UK friends, when we would invariably go down to Cornwall and terrorise the locals, I
a) drove most of the way there with a car which wouldn't stay in 4th/Top without jumping out, so my solution was to hook a bungee cord behind my seat and whenever I changed into fourth, held it there with the other end. (My early exercise in hickdom)
b) ran out of milk in my caravan, so ate cornflakes doused with vodka for breakfast one morning.
c) ...actually two mornings because I enjoyed it so much the first
d) ran down a road after a friends van and jumped up and held onto the wing mirror, legs flailing just above the tarmac, whilst he then raced along a country lane at 40 mph
e) got so miserable at the (then) news of Marc Bolan's death, I got blind-fucking-drunk for maybe 48-hours straight during which time I inexplicably spoke in an American accent

Most of my "you won't believes" are as a result of alcohol - or drugs - or both. Which is why I can't criticize Lunarbee.... hell I'm sure I too have done somebody some physical harm in the past whilst heavily "under the influence"?
Title: "You Won't Believe What I Did Once...!"
Post by: Nate on June 14, 2005, 12:03:33 AM
Quote from: "Jonathan"
Quote from: "Nate"
I jumped naked out of a 3rd story window into an eight ft. pile of snow once.

I won by the way.


You won what?


I kicked that snowdrift's ass.  Also, I won the drinking game that stupid event  inspired.
Title: "You Won't Believe What I Did Once...!"
Post by: clemsonfan on June 14, 2005, 08:02:10 AM
When I was 12, I crashed my parents' car at a car wash. When I was 16, I flipped my car. I'm an excellent driver!
Title: "You Won't Believe What I Did Once...!"
Post by: cuddlyevil on June 14, 2005, 08:49:07 AM
This is a sober story:

Just after we graduated high school, my sister and I were hanging out with some friends at a  graduation party. Two of our friends (Rob and Ben) were screaming drunk and suggested we go to Durand Eastman park (for those not in the know, it's a small-ish park with a semi-secluded beach on lake ontario--a tad unsavory after dark). My sister and I are bored, so we tell them we'll drive. After a brief stop at charlotte beach (which involved drunken ben hiding underneath one of the lifeguards overturned rescue boats screaming), we hit durand park. We make our way to the beach and are walking along the shoreline when we came along a few folks around a campfire. They invited us to join them, we hung out for a while--discovering along the way that one was a crack dealer and his girl was a hooker, they were out with their friend for a quiet evening on the beach. No biggie, they offered all of us a lil something, we politely say no, they're cool and things go on.

By now, the drunk boys are feeling ill and wanting to head home. Sis and I are fine with that, so we pile into our 1984 ford tempo and head toward home. This is where things hit a snag. Ben (who is not only a tad flaming but a very loud drunk) sees a group of people by their cars in the parking lot of the beach. So Ben thinks it's a good idea to scream something to the effect of "Hey! Your girlfriend's hot". At this point the other drunken boy is closing the window on Ben's face and my sister's floored it. To no avail, the group of people jumped into their cars and made chase. They tried blocking us in on three sides, my sister drove up over the gutter and a bit of someone's lawn to escape them. Then, we had to run a redlight using the lefthand turn lane to get away. We floored it and made it to Rob's house where we dumped off our drunken counterparts and turned around and took ourselves home. On our way home, we saw one of the cars that was chasing us. To this day, we don't know if they realized it was us--or maybe they were in the same position we were in. Dunno. We drove the rest of the way home quickly and once we got into our neighborhood, turned our headlights off.

And then later on we wondered why the tempo had some problems.
Title: "You Won't Believe What I Did Once...!"
Post by: foolsgold on June 14, 2005, 08:54:55 AM
In the 5th grade, I was nearly the same height (for those who don't know me, I am freaky tall) I am now, but strip 100 lbs off of me.  My best friend, at the time, outweighed me by a good 50 lbs.  Anyway, we were locked out of my parent's house and like any young twits, we raided the garage looking for something to get into.  We found a pair of my old Big Wheels and decided to ride around in my driveway, even though I kept chinning myself with each pedal because I was so tall.

Before too long, we decided that playing chicken would be a grand idea.  So, building up steam, we tore off towards each other, neither one of us 'chickening.'

Crash.  *Inertia*  *FG flying over my friend's head and landing some distance away from the site of impact on my face and skidding another 6 feet or so.

Blood, broken nose, my friend goes white and passes out.  As my tears mixed with my blood, I walked to a neighbor's house to seek first aid, but upon seeing me, she screamed and gave me a (as in singular) Kleenex.  

After several towels and much to do, the bleeding slowed and I sent my friend to get my parent's who were down the street watching my sister's soccer game.  Very smoothly, he told them, "Can I talk with Mister Foolsgold...in private."

Long story longer, my nose was broken, never fixed and I still can't properly breathe out of it.
Title: "You Won't Believe What I Did Once...!"
Post by: foolsgold on June 14, 2005, 08:55:55 AM
Oh yeah, and the stupidest thing I ever did was to date 3 girls named Amy/Amie.
Title: "You Won't Believe What I Did Once...!"
Post by: berzerker on June 14, 2005, 09:03:15 AM
Quote from: "foolsgold"
Oh yeah, and the stupidest thing I ever did was to date 3 girls named Amy/Amie.


Simult-amy-ously?
Title: "You Won't Believe What I Did Once...!"
Post by: Kwyjibo on June 14, 2005, 09:05:42 AM
Quote from: "vizzah"
"DRUNK2K"

I think we all have a Drunk2K story.  Even I peed in public that night.
Title: "You Won't Believe What I Did Once...!"
Post by: berzerker on June 14, 2005, 09:34:53 AM
Well, summer after High School, I decided to have a party while my parents were away. It was pretty big... we didn't really plan on it getting that big. Things started off alright... (no names have been changed, as to not protect the uninnocent.)

We got a keg. I think Keith faked his ID, or they never asked. I don't remember. We also mixed up some trashcan punch. So, we think we had the beverages covered.
We locked the doors, and Bill and I were the only ones with keys. We figured that the guys could piss outside, and well, if the girls were cute, one of us could escort them inside. Everybody was to stay in the backyard, which was big, and had various foliage all the way around, to conceal the hundreds of underage drinkers inside.
At one point, we ran out of beer. Keith had to go back and get another keg.

The music was provided by Dave, who was in my bedroom with 2 CD players, a turntable, a tape deck, a mixing board and a microphone. Oh, yeah, and 4 speakers on the roof of the patio. Playing loudly.

Did I mention that my house was on the same street as the police station, which was about 8 blocks away? And, that the city border was one block away? And that the cops usually drove by my back yard as often as every 15 minutes?

Somehow, the cops showed up. I was inside, hitting on a girl who was not my girlfriend, when keith grabs me and says "Cops! Let's run!" If I had not been tipsy, I probably would have realized I was in my own house, and therefore had responsibility for the whole thing. So I ran.

We walked around the block, and came past Bill talking to the cops. He says, "I don't know where Mike is..."

Eventually, we went to the police station, and I told them it was my house, but I wasn't there when they showed up. They didn't arrest or cite me, they just said that my parents would find out. Not sure if they ever did.

When we got back, there were 6 of my friends upstairs, chairs circling the keg, at the perfect tap hose length radius. So I joined them, and drank some more. Turns out they hid the keg in the elevator (yeah, it was a big house) while most of the others hid in the attic. 2 of my friends had relatives that were cops and they would have gotten a lifetime of shit for getting caught. Oh, yeah, and there was a bit of the marijuana smoking, post-party. We got Dave to eat the roach.

Cleanup - in addition to the 2 kegs, people brought their own beer. I took in the empty beer cans and collected about $35 in Michigan's $.10 can deposit for my troubles. So, about 350 cans of beer in the backyard. Not bad. Since everybody was outside, cleaning up wasn't that big of a deal.

And, like I said, I'm not sure if my parents ever found out. I had the luxury of having 3 older brothers, who had all had parties before me. So I'm sure my parents had seen it all before. In my yearbook, one of my friends sister wrote something like "Did you ever get in trouble for that mega-bash at your house? It was totally kick ass!!!"
My dad read that and said, "Who's Leslie?"
"Um, Brian's sister."
He just nodded.
Title: "You Won't Believe What I Did Once...!"
Post by: Bluelupis on June 14, 2005, 01:02:59 PM
Oh god.  All I do is embarass my self so I needn't really say anything at all but let's see -
- I think I've told the story of myself shitting my pants at the bar. (told)
- Monster Truck fiasco (told)
- Sumo Skating (told)
- stumbling home drunk with a random and passing out rubbing a batch off trying to perform (with my face in a not so handy spot to be passing out in).  Woke up with her phone number on a post it Sticking OUT MY ASS! (All truth be told folks)
- Passed out from the incense at a funeral when I was an altar boy and scattering smouldering incense pebbles across the carpeted church.
- Drunk calling one night I accidently speed dialed my mom where I started talking really really dirty thinking I had called a lady friend.  When told "Tony, this is your mom."  I shot back "What ever turns you on 'Jane'.  I'll be your daddy, neighbor or priest as long as you stop by and have a nightcap."  "Anthony John!  THIS IS YOUR MOTHER!" "Uh... Mom? Fuck.." click.....
- Didn't pull all the way out while urinating in a bathroom wearing khakis. (More than once)
- Wanted to be a garbage man as a youth because "they only work once a week"
 
- It goes on and on as my pinata like double helix threatens to exlode.
Title: "You Won't Believe What I Did Once...!"
Post by: Jonathan on June 14, 2005, 01:06:49 PM
Quote from: "bluelupis"
- Drunk calling one night I accidently speed dialed my mom where I started talking really really dirty thinking I had called a lady friend.  When told "Tony, this is your mom."  I shot back "What ever turns you on 'Jane'.  I'll be your daddy, neighbor or priest as long as you stop by and have a nightcap."  "Anthony John!  THIS IS YOUR MOTHER!" "Uh... Mom? Fuck.." click.....


The bar has been raised, folks. You're going to have to come strong if you want to beat that story.
Title: "You Won't Believe What I Did Once...!"
Post by: cuddlyevil on June 14, 2005, 01:09:32 PM
Jonathan, I don't think it's possible to beat that story.
Title: "You Won't Believe What I Did Once...!"
Post by: foolsgold on June 14, 2005, 01:20:24 PM
This might be selfish, but I really hope that Tony never stops drinking.

Although, I suspect he'd probably be doing the same things sober.  ;)
Title: "You Won't Believe What I Did Once...!"
Post by: Juliana on June 14, 2005, 01:48:53 PM
Quote from: "Kwyjibo"
Quote from: "vizzah"
"DRUNK2K"

I think we all have a Drunk2K story.  Even I peed in public that night.


Everybody but me that is.  I stayed home and played Millennium Edition Monopoly with my family.
Title: "You Won't Believe What I Did Once...!"
Post by: clemsonfan on June 14, 2005, 01:49:38 PM
I don't have one either. I had the flu that night.
Title: "You Won't Believe What I Did Once...!"
Post by: Rafe on June 14, 2005, 03:03:56 PM
Quote from: "bluelupis"
I think I've told the story of myself shitting my pants at the bar.

You're not alone there! I did it in the car park of ASDA most recently. My wife loves that story.

Anyway, the day I got my A-level (HS Diploma?) results, my friends and I went out on a drink/drug fueled bender which lasted roughly 24 hours. On the way home from a late night lock-in at our last port of call, we decided we wanted to play on the fruit machines. None of us owned one, so we sourced a machine from a local drinking establishment, and carried it between us to the house we were crashing in (they are very heavy). It didn't work properly when we plugged it into the mains in our mate's garage, so we lit a bonfire, destroyed it with a sledgehammer and burnt it. The Police were called and we were all subsequently charged with theft, arson, wasting police time, trespassing, causing a disturbance and being a bunch of cunts.

I was out with friends in London one night, and we were joking around about pole dancing, a jocular theme running right through the evening. On our way home from the club, I decided to shimmy up a Lamp post and "pole dance". Hilariously, I fell off said lamp post from quite a height and cracked a couple of ribs. After initial concerns, my mates then started pissing themselves, mainly because two concentration camp-size CCTV cameras were staring silently down at me. For weeks afterward, I secretly dreaded seeing the footage being replayed on an episode of "Police, Camera, Action!".
Title: "You Won't Believe What I Did Once...!"
Post by: Dan on June 14, 2005, 03:12:42 PM
Quote from: "Rafeyboy"
we were all subsequently charged with ... wasting police time

They can charge you for that?  Isn't that what they're supposed to be doing?
Title: "You Won't Believe What I Did Once...!"
Post by: cuddlyevil on June 14, 2005, 03:18:41 PM
Quote from: "Rafeyboy"
After initial concerns, my mates then started pissing themselves, mainly because two concentration camp-size CCTV cameras were staring silently down at me. For weeks afterward, I secretly dreaded seeing the footage being replayed on an episode of "Police, Camera, Action!".


They were probably too busy laughing too hard or running out of the room to get their mates to watch you to press "record". lol
Title: "You Won't Believe What I Did Once...!"
Post by: Cockney Rebel on June 14, 2005, 03:32:59 PM
Quote from: "bluelupis"
Wanted to be a garbage man as a youth because "they only work once a week"


This REALLY made me laugh out loud
Title: "You Won't Believe What I Did Once...!"
Post by: Action Jim on June 14, 2005, 06:34:34 PM
Quote from: "Kwyjibo"
Even I peed in public that night.


Oh yeah. I whizzed in public recently.  On the veranda of a Catholic high school.  In the middle of the afternoon.  Four and Marlowe got quite a chuckle out of it.
Title: "You Won't Believe What I Did Once...!"
Post by: Ella Minnow Pea on June 14, 2005, 06:48:36 PM
Quote from: "clemsonfan"
I don't have one either. I had the flu that night.

I don't either. Maybe it's a gender thing?

I was in the mountain of NC in an extremely wellstocked cabin. If the world was ending, the owner (my friend's mom) was prepared. Of course, she always keeps her pantry well stocked; it wasn't specifically for Y2K. And she was still in Raleigh, so it wouldn't have done her any good.

We just chilled with our amaretto sours, playing card games, and watching movies.
Title: "You Won't Believe What I Did Once...!"
Post by: vizzah on June 14, 2005, 07:04:12 PM
well, you see...DRUNK2K wasn't specifically on Y2K, either.  it was just some random night in the summer of 2000 and my fella's lease was up the next day, so he and his roommate decided to have a ridiculous party.  what was management gonna do - throw'em out the next day? they were moving anyway!  we even flyered that shit.  i think somewhere close to 150 people showed up.  even a midget.
Title: "You Won't Believe What I Did Once...!"
Post by: Buzzstein on June 14, 2005, 10:03:04 PM
midgets rock!
Title: "You Won't Believe What I Did Once...!"
Post by: Shlep on June 15, 2005, 12:34:59 AM
1) During my junior or senior year in high school, me and two friends (Marc and Vinny) started wandering around town.  One of us got the bright idea to walk over to Marc's girlfriends' house for...beats me. It should be noted that said girlfriends' father was a former ROK Marine who'd fought in Vietnam (if you've heard anything of their exploits, you get the idea) and had vowed to kill Marc.  She also lived clear on the other side of town, a distance which would've taken almost half an hour to drive.  Nonetheless, undeterred by common sense, we start walking.  Got picked up and offered a ride by some guy Vinny knew.  Made it almost the entire way, the guy drove past some orange cones and found the reason why they were there: a large chuck on the road was pulled up.  The car zoomed in, bottomed out, and somehow managed to get out.

We completed the rest of the journey on foot, as it wasn't far now.  I think Vinny and I hung out and talked while Marc climbed in through a bedroom window, serruptitiously banged his girfriend, and left. We then wandered around town doing...I can't remember.  Holding shopping cart races in the empty parking lot of a shopping plaza with a Safeway in it.  Drank some beer we took with us.  Hung around until the first place to get food opened-- an Arby's-- and got breakfast.  I think we then walked home.  

2) Was riding in a car with Marc, another friend named John, and guy named Dave who was the sort of friend you sometimes make in high school: nobody liked him, but he had a drivers' license and a car.  Marc had a BB gun and was pointing it out the window to shoot at houses; Dave hit a bumped, the BB gun discharged, and Dave's window shattered.  Late at night we drove across town to find a junkyard to get a replacement window; why this made sense I don't know.  We had no tools to install it, and likely didn't know how anyway.  But Dave swore he couldn't go home and let his mom find his car with the window busted (why coming up with a plausible alibi, like vandalism, was never suggest I likewise don't know) and I had had the princely sum of about $70 in my pocket from my McDonald's job so we were on a quest.

We knew of two junkyards in town; one was closed, which made sense since I doubt few people go looking to strip derelict cars for parts legally at 10PM.  The next place we went to-- Penny's Auto Parts-- found Dave first nearly running the car aground in a ditch.  We then got it, couldn't see anyone working, and let ourselves in.  We were greeted by an astonished night watchman who expressed surprise at our ability to have gotten in and made our way into the office without getting rended apart by the Dobermans patrolling the grounds.

Can't remember how it ended; I think we all drove back and Dave tolkd his mom someone broke into the car.

3) Snuck into a local public pool which was pretty much in Marc's backyard a few times,  Mostly harmless fun,  but trespassing for kicks was an outlaw thing to in the 'burbs.   Went in fully-clothed once, pushed a mobile lifeguard chair into the pool after swimming a bit, and then Marc decided to do imitate Mary Poppins and jump off the highdive holding an open umbrella (one of the very big ones commonly found at outdoor tables like the ones at the pool).  We learned that using an umbrella had no perceptible impact on one's speed of descent.  We also found that an upside-down deck umbrella at the bottom of the deep end is immovable.

We then upped the ante by doing this in our skivvies, and then buck nekkid.

4) Me, Marc, and Dave's little brother Rick stole a Bobcat mini bulldozer from a construction site, drove it to a nearby soccer field, turned donuts and played with the scoop, then drove it all the way across the field through a split-rail fence and into the woods where we got stuck.
Title: "You Won't Believe What I Did Once...!"
Post by: Dan on June 15, 2005, 10:14:29 AM
Quote from: "Shlep"
stole a Bobcat mini bulldozer from a construction site

I think this has always been one of my repressed dreams.  I've always wanted to steal construction equipment b/c they just leave them sitting there seemingly unprotected.
Title: "You Won't Believe What I Did Once...!"
Post by: Doug on June 15, 2005, 11:24:00 AM
I have too many stories to distill into one post.  Needless to say, I'm all partied out and incredibly boring to be around anymore, but if you would have known me 10 years ago *shudder*.
Title: "You Won't Believe What I Did Once...!"
Post by: berzerker on June 15, 2005, 01:19:54 PM
Quote from: "Cockney Rebel"
Quote from: "bluelupis"
Wanted to be a garbage man as a youth because "they only work once a week"


This REALLY made me laugh out loud


My brother really wanted to be a dentist, because they get Wednesdays off.
Then he found out that he'd have to go to school after college, and decided that it was too much work. He was about 6 at the time, mind you.
Title: "You Won't Believe What I Did Once...!"
Post by: Dan on June 15, 2005, 01:56:25 PM
I said something to my father as a little kid along the same pattern of "I want to be an architect."  My dad told me that I'd have to graduate high school (i was probably about 10), go do four more years of college, and then do another 3 years of grad school if I wanted to do that.  So he pointed out that to be an architect would require seven more years of school after high school.  
I decided against architecture then and there.
Title: "You Won't Believe What I Did Once...!"
Post by: Jonathan on June 15, 2005, 02:34:29 PM
I decided against being a meteorologist because I'd have to take calculus.

I ended up taking calculus anyway.
Title: "You Won't Believe What I Did Once...!"
Post by: Megs79 on June 15, 2005, 03:46:34 PM
Quote from: "mistergugi"
I decided against architecture then and there.


And you went to planning school instead...  It's like that Seinfeld episode "the van buren boys:"

GEORGE: Steven Koren has the highest of aspirations. He wants to be (pauses for effect) an architect.
MR. WYCK: Is that right?
STEVEN: Actually, maybe I could set my sights a little bit higher.
GEORGE: (Laughs) Steven, nothing is higher than an architect.
STEVEN: I think I'd really like to be a city planner. Why limit myself to just one building, when I can design a whole city?
WYCK: Well, that's a good point.
GEORGE: (Mutters) No, it's not.
STEVEN: Well, isn't an architect just an art school drop-out with a tilty desk, and a big ruler?
Title: "You Won't Believe What I Did Once...!"
Post by: Dan on June 15, 2005, 05:25:12 PM
True true.  It was a minor point that I was hoping ya'll would overlook.  ;)
Title: "You Won't Believe What I Did Once...!"
Post by: Ella Minnow Pea on June 15, 2005, 08:52:14 PM
Quote from: "Jonathan"
I decided against being a meteorologist because I'd have to take calculus.

I ended up taking calculus anyway.

Did you want to the next Greg Fishel, so you could host the Brain Game?
Title: "You Won't Believe What I Did Once...!"
Post by: scurvygirl on June 15, 2005, 09:13:01 PM
Quote from: "Jonathan"
I decided against being a meteorologist because I'd have to take calculus.

I ended up taking calculus anyway.


Man, I love calculus!  It was one of my favorite college classes!
Because I'm evil, my very favorite part was that all the business students who had to take the class who were absolutely shitting themselves.  This one guy was taking it for the fourth time.  Haha!
Title: "You Won't Believe What I Did Once...!"
Post by: Jonathan on June 15, 2005, 09:15:11 PM
Quote from: "rcc94"
Did you want to the next Greg Fishel, so you could host the Brain Game?


I thought the traffic guy hosted that?

And Greg Fishel was my Meteorology merit badge counselor when I was a Boy Scout, thank-you-very-much. :lol:
Title: "You Won't Believe What I Did Once...!"
Post by: vizzah on June 15, 2005, 09:37:16 PM
another funny one i just thought of, and i wasn't even drunk!

when i was in junior high, my best friends christy, jessica and i decided we'd "go to a football game" against our rival school and meet up with some of their older, much better looking boys.  after cutting across a busy freeway and going through a stinky tunnel, we eneded up in the field in front of Appleton Papers.  the three os uf were all wearing button up shirts, and though it would be a riot if we tore them open and went semi-streaking through the field, amidst heavy passer-by traffic.  before you know it, i'd hit what i thought was a patch of dead grass - and it was, except it was a patch of dead grass covering a trench about 7 feet deep.  both feet went right out from under me, flinstone style - and everyone was running so manically, afraid of getting caught, that they didn't even notice they'd lost me until they were almost 100 yards past.  so trying to impress some older boys with our wild and crazy hyjinx turned into said boys pulling me out of a massive ditch, half-clothed and covered in dirt and bugs.  SEXXAY!
Title: "You Won't Believe What I Did Once...!"
Post by: Ella Minnow Pea on June 15, 2005, 09:48:53 PM
Quote from: "Jonathan"
I thought the traffic guy hosted that?

Well, it is Mark Roberts now, but up until a couple of years ago it was the Fish.
Title: "You Won't Believe What I Did Once...!"
Post by: Shlep on June 15, 2005, 10:43:37 PM
Quote from: "mistergugi"
Quote from: "Shlep"
stole a Bobcat mini bulldozer from a construction site

I think this has always been one of my repressed dreams.  I've always wanted to steal construction equipment b/c they just leave them sitting there seemingly unprotected.


We had our eye on bigger and better things (like a big Caterpillar front-end loader or backhoe) but after that little incident, plus lifting some free tools, they quit leaving the keys in the ignition or near the toolboxes.

I notice I'm not the only guy who wanted to be a garbageman; that was my very first ambition in life.  Yep, even before wanting to be an astronaut or a doctor, I wanted to be a garbageman.  I thought it was the coolest job in the world.  One of my earliest memories of anything in life was running to the window to watch them, a bunch of sinewy guys riding in a big cool truck tossing trash into the giant mechanical maw and crushing it, banging lids, laughing, singing songs, talking smack...that was the life for me.  One year (on my 3rd or 4th birthday, I think) I got a little yellow toy hardhat, just like the guys riding on the back of the truck; I would don it when they came by on their rounds, then run outside and help.
Title: "You Won't Believe What I Did Once...!"
Post by: Content Chick on June 16, 2005, 07:54:32 AM
Man, I'm a boring drunk. Other than thinking I can dance (and who doesn't when they're drunk?) or suddenly becoming an expert on subjects I know nothing about like car repair, I've got nothing.
Title: "You Won't Believe What I Did Once...!"
Post by: Kwyjibo on June 16, 2005, 09:46:56 AM
Quote from: "Shlep"
a bunch of sinewy guys... laughing, singing songs, talking smack...that was the life for me.  

Did you have the cast of Newsies collecting your garbage or what?
Title: "You Won't Believe What I Did Once...!"
Post by: Shlep on June 16, 2005, 05:17:13 PM
Quote from: "Kwyjibo"
Quote from: "Shlep"
a bunch of sinewy guys... laughing, singing songs, talking smack...that was the life for me.  

Did you have the cast of Newsies collecting your garbage or what?


Of course not...they delivered the papers.  And what an annoying bunch they were, performing their rounds in the manner of an impromptu dance production wearing silly knickers and talking in the most stilted Brooklyn accents you ever heard...