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Author Topic: The Rules  (Read 3096 times)

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Kwyjibo

  • Bringing Grumpy Back
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  • Posts: 10,618
The Rules
« Reply #15 on: September 02, 2004, 03:31:36 PM »

Seriously Blue, are these work complaints?  Freakin' scary.
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Bluelupis

  • Two spoonfuls in every bowl
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The Rules
« Reply #16 on: September 02, 2004, 03:41:23 PM »

Okay, I ran off track.  Sorry. (but they are legit!!)
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Kwyjibo

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The Rules
« Reply #17 on: September 02, 2004, 03:45:29 PM »

Quote from: "bluelupis"
Okay, I ran off track.  Sorry. (but they are legit!!)

No harm, it doesn't have be work related.

You know some fucked up people though.
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Butter

  • Suffering from early-onset douchiness
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The Rules
« Reply #18 on: September 02, 2004, 03:47:18 PM »

Quote from: "Kwyjibo"

No harm, it doesn't have be work related.

You know some fucked up people though.


SEE ALSO:

Demolition derby thread.
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Bluelupis

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The Rules
« Reply #19 on: September 02, 2004, 04:30:17 PM »

That's Monster Trucks.....Miss Jackson if you're nasty.
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JohnnyRoyale

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The Rules
« Reply #20 on: September 02, 2004, 06:18:04 PM »

I'm in a hurry, but I'll post about this tomorrow. I have a HUGE list!
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vizzah

  • Self-cleaning mutant
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The Rules
« Reply #21 on: September 04, 2004, 02:33:34 PM »

1.  a staffing agency is not social services, so don't treat it that way.  i'll give you your stupid welfare-to-work papers, but i'm not forcing a customer to give your unqualified ass a job.  

2.  please refrain from showing up really, really beligerent when looking for work and tell me you'd have no problem taking a drug screen.  

3.  when you show up on the six o'clock news for multiple manslaughter charges, the chances are, NO - we're not going to place you if you get out on bail.  or ever.

4.  don't yell at me for not finding you a job when you don't even have a fucking high school education and you're over 40 years old.  how about you take that time getting off your sorry, illiterate, diseased ass and getting your GED?  

5.  it's probably not the most professional thing to ask for the agent's phone number at the end of your interview.
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cuddlyevil

  • sleepy, so sleepy
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  • Posts: 7,267
The Rules
« Reply #22 on: September 14, 2004, 10:33:06 AM »

Got another one:

If you've recently had an invasive medical test, please don't come into my office and tell me how much it messed you up. Yes, it's an uncomfortable procedure, the name conjures up unhappy thoughts--therefore, I do not need to hear what it has done to you.
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Doug

  • Guest
The Rules
« Reply #23 on: September 14, 2004, 10:51:39 AM »

Mine are simple...

1) If you're having computer problems, please re-boot and see if that fixes it before calling me so that I can re-boot it and see if that fixes it.

2) If you're e-mailing me about a computer problem, please be a little more descriptive about the problem and try not to use phrases like, "It doesn't work" or "It's broke".

3) You most likely didn't kill your computer, these things happen.  So stop telling me every time I come by how computer illiterate you are.  I really don't care if you are and if you're just looking for me to say something about how you aren't, you're not gonna' get it from me.

4) No, I'm not watching you.  I have that ability, but I could really care less what you're doing or who you're sending e-mail to.

5) If you're gonna' use my phone, please pop a breath mint or brush your teef.  Nothing worse than answering a phone that smells like hallitosis.

6) Contrary to popular opinion, I don't know everything about everything, so please don't get upset if I don't have precise instructions on how to set up your web-cam or your IP Phone.  Just google the shit like I do.
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Cockney Rebel

  • I don't have an accent. You do.
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  • Art is impossible to define. Shitty art is not.
The Rules
« Reply #24 on: September 14, 2004, 11:09:16 AM »

Quote from: "DogStarMan"
Just google the shit like I do.

Word
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The Engineer

  • I don't hate Dan anymore.
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The Rules
« Reply #25 on: September 14, 2004, 11:48:22 AM »

Alright, I guess I will join in...

1)  Don't tell me you have sent the ___________ if you have not sent it.

2)  "It must be a problem with our shipping department" only works as an excuse once.  Also remember, you have a finite number of grandparents who can die right when you were supposed to be finishing the job.

3)  "I left the equations at home" only works once.  It never works if the equations are classified materials.

4)  When I call you out on not doing you work, don't dump it all on my plate.   I have enough of my own work to do.

5)  If you goof off at the job with me, don't rat me out for goofing off.  Assclown.

6)  If you and I are supposed to be doing the same thing, and I do it most of time while you do it never... you cannot tell me to do it more often, EVER.
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Jonathan

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The Rules
« Reply #26 on: September 14, 2004, 12:51:33 PM »

The nice thing about my situation is that two months later, I've almost forgotten all the things that made me crazy. This used to be a looooong list, but thankfully I don't have to worry about those asshats ever again.

Anyway, here's the ones I remember:

1) When you have discovered a problem with the software, don't say things like "this should be a quick fix" or "this shouldn't take long". Last time I checked, I'm the one with the programming experience. You just answer the phones all day.

2) You are not my only customer. As hard as it may be to believe, I am probably working on some other issue or task that is infinitely more important than fixing the misspelled word my predecessor left buried on the fifth page of the web site FAQs. It's been there for two years, another few hours isn't going to hurt anyone. And no, sending me e-mails every fifteen minutes is not going to get me to fix it any quicker.

3) When you open a work ticket, please do no offer any suggestions as to how to accomplish the task. Just tell me what you need done, I can figure out how to do it myself. Especially since you have no idea how to do anything.

4) When we are corresponding via e-mail, there is no need to CC everyone else in the entire company. Alternatively, please do not CC me on e-mails about how a shipment is going to be a day late. If it does not directly impact my job, I don't want to know about it. Period.
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Atzend

  • Fuzzywhizzletweets
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The Rules
« Reply #27 on: September 14, 2004, 01:26:38 PM »

Here are a few from my job:

1.  If a prof. is not in their office and not in class, most of the time I won't know where they are either.  Unfortunately, due to budget cuts we are unable to supply our faculty with home arrest bracelets.

2.  If you have been in class a month you should know your prof. name.  

3.  Don't take it out on me that your prof. does not get back to you.  I can only do so much besides sit outside their house with a hand written note and a gun to get them to contact you.

4.  Stop waiting until 5 minutes before I leave to ask me involved questions or perform complicated tasks.  Not my fault you are a procrastinator.  You've been here long enough to realize that I am hourly not salary and when the clock hits my time to leave I have a life to get to outside the office (even if that life involves going home and taking a nap).
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cuddlyevil

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The Rules
« Reply #28 on: September 14, 2004, 02:19:52 PM »

For our customers:

1. If you wait until the absolute last minute to try and get help from a program, do not be pissed at us when we tell you we can't help you. It's not our fault you've no priorities.

2. Don't wait until the afternoon after the class you want to take starts to call and try to register. You may receive a pleasant voice on the phone, but we're laughing at you on the inside.
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cuddlyevil

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The Rules
« Reply #29 on: September 28, 2004, 03:44:37 PM »

Some new ones for my work:

1) If a person is ill, they must call in and report it to their direct supervisor. If they call their direct supervisor on their direct line--they have no real way of knowing if the person is out of the building all day. So please don't jump up my arse because they didn't talk to you directly. I'll admit I should've told you what was going on, but for the love of pete don't get all pissy because I didn't mention it to you but to another v.p.

2) If a job pisses you off this much, you need to quit.

Wow, I think I need to take my own advice...


And for our customers:

1) If you wish to be met with a polite and casual demeanor, please WASH before you come in to see us--your stinkin' like three days past rotten limburger isn't going to get you the patient help you want or deserve.
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