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Author Topic: Gizoogle  (Read 3615 times)

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lutz

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Gizoogle
« on: May 23, 2013, 01:50:13 PM »

So, apparently there be a gangsta version of Google called Gizoogle fo' realz. And it is phat.

I picked a random ZK post to translate.

Quote
So this was weird.

I'm at the grocery store today, and I get to the checkout line which is long.  So I look at the dude in front of me, and he is wearing an Anderlecht Lukaku jersey.  So I'm trying to make some polite chit-chat and I go "Hey, nice game.  You must be happy."

Dude just looks at me like "Whatever, fuck you."

So I'm like "uhh... no, your shirt.  Lukaku? He looked great today.  Nice result for Anderlecht as well."

Dude says "I know what my jersey says." 

That's was the conversation.  Like he was tired of people talking about his shirt or something.

Why is he mad?  How many people does this dude run into in the US, in Richmond Virginia who even know who Lukaku is?  And what are the odds you would randomly meet that guy, on the day that Lukaku comes off the bench and scores a hat trick. In ten minutes.  Against Manchester United.  To overturn a 5-2 deficit.  On the same day Anderlecht wins the the Juliper title.

It's not like you just walk into a sporting goods store and they have official RSC Anderlecht Romelu Lukaku jerseys on sale and you just buy one because you don't care.  No, you have to go through considerable effort and expense to get one of those.  So I surmise that if you are wearing a Lukaku Anderlecht uni, then you are either a fan of Lukaku, and/or Anderlecht, and/or Belgian football.  Likely all three.  And if so, surely this has to be one of the best freaking days EVER.  It would in fact, be somewhat rude of me NOT to acknowledge what a massive day this is for you and not congratulate you in some form, wouldn't it?

I have no people skills.

Hilarity ensued.

Quote
So dis was weird.

I be all up in tha grocery store todizzle, n' I git ta tha checkout line which is long.  So I peep tha dude up in front of me, n' he is bustin a Anderlecht Lukaku jersey.  So I be tryin ta cook up some fuckin polite chit-chat n' I go "Yo, sick game.  Yo ass must be happy."

Dude just looks all up in mah grill like "Whatever, fuck yo thugged-out ass."

So I be like "uhh... no, yo' shirt.  Lukaku, biatch? Dude looked pimped out todizzle. It make me wanna hollar playa!  Sick result fo' Anderlecht as well."

Dude says "I know what tha fuck mah jersey says." 

Thatz was tha conversation. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.  Like da thug was pissed wit playas rappin' bout his hoodie or something.

Why is he mad, biatch?  How tha fuck nuff playas do dis dude run tha fuck into up in tha US, up in Richmond Virginia whoz ass even know whoz ass Lukaku is, biatch?  And what tha fuck is tha oddz you would randomly hook up dat guy, on tha dizzle dat Lukaku comes off tha bench n' scores a funky-ass basebizzle cap trick. In ten minutes.  Against Manchesta United. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time.  To overturn a 5-2 deficit.  On tha same dizzle Anderlecht wins tha the Juliper title.

It aint nuthin but not like you just strutt tha fuck into a sportin loot store n' they have straight-up legit RSC Anderlecht Romelu Lukaku jerseys on sale n' you just loot one cuz you couldn't give a fuckin shit.  Fuck dat shit, you gotta go all up in considerable effort n' expense ta git one of them.  So I surmise dat if yo ass is bustin a Lukaku Anderlecht uni, then yo ass is either a gangbangin' hustla of Lukaku, and/or Anderlecht, and/or Belgian footbizzle. Kick dat shit!  Likely all three.  And if so, surely dis has ta be one of tha dopest freakin minutes EVER.  It would up in fact, be somewhat rude of me NOT ta acknowledge what tha fuck a massive dizzle dis is fo' you n' not congratulate you up in some form, wouldn't it?

I have no playas game.
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lutz

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Re: Gizoogle
« Reply #1 on: May 23, 2013, 01:55:00 PM »

This is so addictive. It's warping my brain.

Original:

Quote
I had an amusing encounter with a cop today.

There's an intersection downtown that is really busy during rush hour.  It's also very busy when the general assembly is in session or when there is a big Federal court case.  So it's got the left turn lanes and signals and two main roads and all that.  You can wait five minutes at that intersection easy.

The thing is, it's not as busy during the afternoon when the GA is not in session and nothing is going on in the Fed. court.  And on top of that, they are doing work on it so it's really only one lane going one way that is open right now.  So very few cars are driving it and the ones that are are going one way.

So obviously, I'm going to jaywalk.  I get there right as the light changes, there's no one coming so I start to slide into the road.  Turn around, and a cop has just finished crossing the other road and is now going to cross with me.  So now, obviously I can't go.  So I take a couple steps back onto the sidewalk.

It's blatantly obvious I was going to jaywalk and I'm only not doing it because the cop is there.  So he gives me a bit of a smirk, which I don't blame him for because it was funny. 

But now, we're both stuck.   I can't jaywalk because the cop is there.  He can't jaywalk because he's got a dude next to him who looks like a lawyer and it would obviously look horrible if a Capital Cop got reported for jaywalking right next to the Capital.  It's like 90 degrees out and humid.  So I'm dying.  But he's wearing the polyester cop uniform and has to be at least as hot as I am.

So we're just standing there.... and standing there... and standing there.  We're both screwed.  Both of us would totally jaywalk except the other is there.... and then the light breaks or something because the crossing light doesn't come on when it should have.  So finally the cop just goes "Would you like some help crossing the street?"  "Yeah that'd be great." 

So he walks into the intersection like half-ass pretending to be directing traffic but he's really crossing the street.  And I walk about three steps behind him half-ass pretending I'm following his crossing guard directions but I'm really crossing the street.

Gizoogled:

Quote
I had a amusin encounter wit a cold-ass lil cop todizzle.

Therez a intersection downtown dat is straight-up busy durin rush hour. Shiiit, dis aint no joke.  It aint nuthin but also straight-up busy when tha general assembly is up in session or when there be a funky-ass big-ass Federal court case.  So itz gots tha left turn lanes n' signals n' two main roadz n' all dat shit.  Yo ass can wait five minutes at dat intersection easy as fuck .

Da thang is, it aint as busy durin tha afternoon when tha GA aint up in session n' not a god damn thang is goin on up in tha Fed. court.  And on top of that, they is bustin work on it so itz straight-up only one lane goin one way dat is open n' aint a thugged-out damn thang dat yo' ass can do.  So straight-up few rides is rollin it n' tha ones dat is is goin one way.

So obviously, I be goin ta jaywalk.  I git there right as tha light chizzles, there be a no one comin so I start ta slide tha fuck into tha road. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!  Turn around, n' a cold-ass lil cop has just finished crossin tha other road n' is now goin ta cross wit mah dirty ass.  So now, obviously I can't go.  So I take a cold-ass lil couple steps back onto tha sidewalk.

It aint nuthin but blatantly obvious I was goin ta jaywalk n' I be only not bustin it cuz tha cop is there, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho.  So he gives me a lil' bit of a smirk, which I don't blame his ass fo' cuz dat shiznit was funky. 

But now, we both stuck.   I can't jaywalk cuz tha cop is there, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho.  Dude can't jaywalk cuz he gots a thugged-out dude next ta his ass whoz ass be lookin like a lawyer n' it would obviously look wack if a Capital Cop gots reported fo' jaywalkin right next ta tha Capital. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack.  It aint nuthin but like 90 degrees up n' humid. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!  So I be dying.  But da thug bustin tha polyesta cop uniform n' has ta be at least as bangin' as I am.

So our laid-back asses just standin there.... n' standin there... n' standin there, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho.  We both screwed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!  Both of our asses would straight-up jaywalk except tha other is there.... n' then tha light breaks or suttin' cuz tha crossin light don't come on when it should have.  So finally tha cop just goes "Would you like some help crossin tha street?"  "Yeah that'd be pimped out." 

So da thug strutts tha fuck into tha intersection like half-ass pretendin ta be directin traffic but he straight-up crossin tha street.  And I strutt bout three steps behind his ass half-ass pretendin I be followin his crossin guard directions but I be straight-up crossin tha street.
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foolsgold

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Re: Gizoogle
« Reply #2 on: May 23, 2013, 02:09:24 PM »

Here is the Wiki entry for Quartz:

Quartz is tha second most abundant mineral up in tha Earthz continental crust, afta feldspar. Well shiiiit, it is made up of a cold-ass lil continuous framework of SiO4 silicon "oxygen tetrahedra, wit each oxygen bein shared between two tetrahedra, givin a overall formula SiO2.

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MissKitty

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Re: Gizoogle
« Reply #3 on: May 23, 2013, 02:38:26 PM »

Fantastic!
 A new way to make brownies:

Directions  Preheat oven ta 350 degrees. Line a 9 x 13 inch bakin pan wit foil n' grease wit pan spray.
In a medium saucepan, brang 2 inchez of gin n juice ta a gentle simmer n' shit. Put tha 60% chips n' butter up in a heatproof bowl n' set it over (but not touching) tha simmerin gin n juice n' shit. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass.
Stir tha mixture wit a rubber spatula until tha butter is melted n' both ingredients is straight-up combined. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Turn off tha heat n' leave tha bowl over tha warm gin n juice n' shit. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass.
Sift together tha flour n' bakin powder n' set aside.
In a big-ass bowl whisk together eggs, salt, sugar n' vanilla fo' realz. Add tha egg mixture ta tha chocolate mixture n' whisk together gently. With a spatula, fold up in tha flour. Shiiit, dis aint no joke.
Immediately pour 1/2 tha mixture tha fuck into tha prepared bakin pan n' spread it evenly. Next, sprinkle tha chopped peppermint bark over tha batter n' then pour tha remainin batter over this. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Spread evenly.
Bake fo' 15-20 minutes. Da center should be fudgy but not dry.
Remove from tha oven n' def fo' 10 minutes. Place Peppermint Bark chunks on top of warm brownies n' allow dem ta soften fo' 1 minute. Usin a spatula, gently swirl tha meltin Peppermint Bark ta create swirlz of melted chocolate. Refrigerate fo' 1 hour. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Trim tha 4 edgez of tha brownies by 1/4 inch fo' realz.
And cut tha fuck into 18 squares.
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lutz

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Re: Gizoogle
« Reply #4 on: May 23, 2013, 05:14:27 PM »

Da Lord of tha Rings: Da Return of tha Mackdaddy:

Frodo Baggins, lil hustla of Drogo Baggins, was a Hobbit of the Shire in tha Third Age yo. Dude was most renowned fo' his fuckin leadin role up in tha Quest of tha Ring up in which his thugged-out lil' punk-ass bore tha One Ring ta Mount Doom, where dat shiznit was ultimately destroyed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Dude was a Ring-bearer, n' one of tha three Hobbits whoz ass sailed from Middle-earth ta the Uttermost West at tha end of tha Third Age.

"Therez some phat up in dis ghetto, Mista Muthafuckin Frodo... n' itz worth fightin for." —Sam Gamgee

"But I be goin ta Mordor son!" —Frodo
"I know dat well enough, Mista Muthafuckin Frodo. Of course yo ass is fo' realz. And I be comin up in yo' faaaaaace biaatch!" —Sam
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lutz

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Re: Gizoogle
« Reply #5 on: May 23, 2013, 05:17:14 PM »

This is just priceless...

Quote
Da Lord of tha Rings be a epic high fantasy novel freestyled by Gangsta philologist n' Universitizzle of Oxford pimp J. R. R. Tolkien. Da rap fuckin started as a sequel ta Tolkienz 1937 childrenz fantasy novel Da Hobbit yo, but eventually pimped tha fuck into a much larger work. Dat shiznit was freestyled up in stages between 1937 n' 1949, much of it durin Ghetto Battle Pt II.[1] It be tha second best-pimpin novel eva written, wit over 150 mazillion copies sold.
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lutz

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Re: Gizoogle
« Reply #6 on: May 23, 2013, 05:29:12 PM »

One more, one more...

"Da 1707 Actz of Union declared dat England n' Scotland was "United tha fuck into One Mackdaddydom by tha Name of Great Britain" though tha freshly smoked up state be also referred ta up in tha Acts as tha United Mackdaddydom of Great Britain n' tha United Mackdaddydom.

Da name "United Mackdaddydom of Great Britain n' Uptown Ireland" was adopted up in 1927 by tha Royal n' Parliamentary Titlez Act. Well shiiiit, it reflected tha realitizzle of tha independence of tha Irish Jacked State, n' tha partitionin of Ireland up in 1922, which left Uptown Ireland as tha only part of tha island of Ireland still within tha UK.

Although tha United Mackdaddydom, as a sovereign state, be a cold-ass lil ghetto, England, Scotland, Walez n' (more controversially) Uptown Ireland is also regarded as 'countries', though not sovereign states. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Scotland, Walez n' Uptown Ireland have devolved self-government. Da British Prime Ministerz joint has used tha phrase "ghettos within a cold-ass lil ghetto" ta describe tha United Mackdaddydom. With regard ta Uptown Ireland, tha descriptizzle name used "can be controversial, wit tha chizzle often revealin onez ballistical preferences.""

EDIT: And also this :laugh:
« Last Edit: May 23, 2013, 05:33:16 PM by lutz »
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va-vacious

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Re: Gizoogle
« Reply #7 on: May 23, 2013, 05:57:42 PM »

bless you for finding this.
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Rafe

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Re: Gizoogle
« Reply #8 on: May 23, 2013, 06:50:58 PM »

From Allen Ginsberg's "Howl & Other Poems":

“What peaches n' what tha fuck penumbras muthafucka! Whole crews hustlin at night son! Aislez full of homeboys muthafucka! Wives up in tha avocados, babies up in tha tomatoes!--and you, Garcia Lorca, what tha fuck was you bustin down by tha watermelons?”

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Am Meer

lutz

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Re: Gizoogle
« Reply #9 on: May 24, 2013, 11:58:04 AM »

From Allen Ginsberg's "Howl & Other Poems":

“What peaches n' what tha fuck penumbras muthafucka! Whole crews hustlin at night son! Aislez full of homeboys muthafucka! Wives up in tha avocados, babies up in tha tomatoes!--and you, Garcia Lorca, what tha fuck was you bustin down by tha watermelons?”
Amazing. Absolutely amazing XD
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Ella Minnow Pea

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Re: Gizoogle
« Reply #10 on: May 24, 2013, 11:06:06 PM »

Shakespeare Monologue 1

But, soft son! what tha fuck light all up in yonder window breaks?
It be tha eastside, n' Juliet is tha sun.
Arise, fair sun, n' bust a cap up in tha envious moon,
Dum diddy-dum, here I come biaaatch! Who tha fuck be already sick n' pale wit grief,
That thou her maid art far mo' fair than she:
Be not her maid, since her ass is envious;
Her vestal livery is but sick n' green
And none but fools do wear it; cast it off.
It be mah lady, O, it is mah love!
O, dat she knew dat biiiiatch were!
Bitch speaks yet her big-ass booty says nothing: what tha fuck of that?
Her eye discourses; I'ma answer dat shit.
I be too bold, 'tis not ta me her big-ass booty speaks:
Two of tha fairest stars up in all tha heaven,
Havin some bidnizz, do entreat her eyes
To twinkle up in they spheres till they return.
What if her eyes was there, they up in her head?
Da brightnizz of her cheek would shame dem stars,
As daylight doth a lamp; her eyes up in heaven
Would all up in tha airy region stream so bright
That birdz would rap n' be thinkin it was not night.
See, how tha fuck she leans her cheek upon her hand!
O, dat I was a gludd upon dat hand,
That I might bust a nut on dat cheek!
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Ella Minnow Pea

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Re: Gizoogle
« Reply #11 on: May 24, 2013, 11:08:04 PM »

Shakespeare Monologue 2

Friends, Romans, ghettomen, lend mah crazy ass yo' ears;
I come ta bury Caesar, not ta praise his muthafuckin ass.
Da evil dat pimps do lives afta them;
Da phat is oft interred wit they bones;
So let it be wit Caesar. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Da noble Brutus
Hath holla'd at you Caesar was ambitious:
If it was so, dat shiznit was a grievous fault,
And grievously hath Caesar answer'd dat shit.
Here, under leave of Brutus n' tha rest--
For Brutus be a honourable man;
So is they all, all honourable men--
Come I ta drop a rhyme up in Caesarz funeral.
Dude was mah playa, faithful n' just ta me:
But Brutus says da thug was ambitious;
And Brutus be a honourable man.
Dude hath brought nuff captives home ta Rome
Whose ransoms did tha general coffers fill:
Did dis up in Caesar seem ambitious?
When dat tha skanky have cried, Caesar hath wept:
Ambizzle should be made of sterner stuff:
Yet Brutus says da thug was ambitious;
And Brutus be a honourable man.
Y'all did peep dat on tha Lupercal
I thrice presented his ass a mackdaddyly crown,
Which da ruffneck did thrice refuse: was dis ambition?
Yet Brutus says da thug was ambitious;
And, sure, he be a honourable man.
I drop a rhyme not ta disprove what tha fuck Brutus spoke,
But here I be ta drop a rhyme what tha fuck I do know.
Y'all did ludd his ass once, not without cause:
What cause withholdz you then, ta mourn fo' him?
O judgment son! thou art fled ta brutish beasts,
And pimps have lost they reason. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Bear wit me;
My fuckin ass is up in tha coffin there wit Caesar,
And I must pause till it come back ta mah dirty ass.
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Ella Minnow Pea

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Re: Gizoogle
« Reply #12 on: May 24, 2013, 11:10:18 PM »

Shakespeare Monologue 3

To be, or not ta be: dat is tha question:
Whether 'tis nobla up in tha mind ta suffer
Da slings n' arrowz of outrageous fortune,
Or ta take arms against a sea of shits,
And by opposin end them, biatch? To die: ta chill;
No more; n' by a chill ta say we end
Da heart-ache n' tha thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to, 'tis a cold-ass lil consummation
Devoutly ta be wish'd. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! To die, ta chill;
To chill: perchizzle ta dream: ay, there be a tha rub;
For up in dat chill of dirtnap what tha fuck trips may come
When our crazy asses have shuffled off dis mortal coil,
Must give our asses pause: there be a tha respect
That make calamitizzle of so long game;
For whoz ass would bear tha whips n' scornz of time,
Da oppressorz wrong, tha proud as a muthafucka manz contumely,
Da pangz of despised love, tha lawz delay,
Da insolence of crib n' tha spurns
That patient merit of tha unworthy takes,
When dat schmoooove muthafucka his dirty ass might his on tha fuckin' down-lowus make
With a funky-ass bare bodkin, biatch? whoz ass would fardels bear,
To grunt n' sweat under a weary game,
But dat tha dread of suttin' afta dirtnap,
Da undiscover'd ghetto from whose bourn
No travella returns, puzzlez tha will
And make our asses rather bear dem ills our crazy asses have
Than fly ta others dat we know not of?
Thus conscience do make cowardz of our asses all;
And thus tha natizzle hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er wit tha pale cast of thought,
And enterprisez of pimped out pith n' moment
With dis regard they currents turn awry,
And lose tha name of action.--Soft you now!
Da fair Ophelia! Nymph, up in thy orisons
Be all mah sins remember'd.
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trixi

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Re: Gizoogle
« Reply #13 on: May 24, 2013, 11:32:59 PM »

I love that first line from the Julius Caesar stanza
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c-lando

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Re: Gizoogle
« Reply #14 on: June 03, 2013, 02:02:02 PM »

How did I miss this post!!??! LOVE!

------------------

Four score n' seven muthafuckin years ago our fathers brought forth on dis continent, a new nation, conceived up in Liberty, n' all bout tha proposizzle dat all pimps are pimped equal. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack.

Now we is engaged up in a pimped out civil war, testin whether dat nation, or any nation so conceived n' so dedicated, can long endure. We is kicked it wit on a pimped out battle-field of dat war. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Our thugged-out asses have come ta dedicate a portion of dat field, as a final restin place fo' dem playas whoz ass here gave they lives dat that hood might live. Well shiiiit, it be altogether fittin n' proper dat we should do this.

But, up in a larger sense, we can not dedicate -- we can not consecrate -- we can not hallow -- dis ground. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Da brave men, livin n' dead, whoz ass struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our skanky juice ta add or detract. Da ghetto will lil note, nor long remember what tha fuck we say here yo, but it can never forget what tha fuck they did here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. Well shiiiit, it is fo' our asses tha living, rather, ta be dedicated here ta tha unfinished work which they whoz ass fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Well shiiiit, it is rather fo' our asses ta be here all bout tha pimped out task remainin before our asses -- that from these honored dead we take increased devotion ta dat cause fo' which they gave tha last full measure of devotion -- dat our crazy asses here highly resolve that these dead shall not have took a dirt nap up in vain -- dat dis nation, under God, shall have a freshly smoked up birth of freedom -- n' dat posse of tha people, by tha people, for tha people, shall not perish from tha earth.

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