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Author Topic: "You Won't Believe What I Did Once...!"  (Read 6410 times)

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Rafe

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"You Won't Believe What I Did Once...!"
« on: June 13, 2005, 06:24:59 PM »

Earlier today, I was talking to an old friend of mine, and he reminded me about the time we were drinking 'flaming sambucas' one incredibly drunken evening. As I put the fiery glass towards my mouth I inadvertently sneezed, thus projecting the flaming liquid onto my fingers and burning them to a crisp. At the time, all my mates cracked up at my stupidity. As old friends do, he then set about reminding me of some of the frankly ridiculous things I've done over the years and we had a bloody good gums up!

Thus, this thread. What utterly stupid things have you done in your life that have made your friends/people around you laugh like hyena's at/with you?

I need a good giggle, and as the topic suggests, it can be quite amusing and cathartic to have a laugh at your own expense. Fear not, I have myriad examples of my own idiocy to make you all feel better about your unfortunate experiences, but I thought this might be quite fun.

Share!
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vizzah

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"You Won't Believe What I Did Once...!"
« Reply #1 on: June 13, 2005, 06:33:35 PM »

the story about "DRUNK2K" always gets everyone roaring.  or, stories plural, i should say.  i got good and loaded and used a two-story contraption known as the "rama-lama-beer-bong," except filled with kessler's and coke in my case, and flashed a bunch of people on a busy state route (725).  then i dove into a baby pool that i didn't notice was filled with full cans of beer.  after that, i bitch-slapped a UD law student for getting fresh with my date...then climbed onto the hood of a car, spraying a 40 oz of king cobra everywhere, asking loudly if i could "get arrested for being this punk roooooock!?"
the next day i woke up at my parents' house, alone and in a court jester's hat, unable to locate my pants or my car.  after a quick recap visit downstairs, i realized i'd come home and drank all the beer, then made some sort of concoction involving slim fast powder, milk, honey brown ale, peanut butter and saltines.  

later i found my car at the host's house.  i also found him lying in front of his garage door proclaiming, "my eye is too big for my eyehole!"

c-land, please keep in mind this is what's in store for YOU in t minus 15 days!
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Rafe

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"You Won't Believe What I Did Once...!"
« Reply #2 on: June 13, 2005, 06:46:07 PM »

Quote from: "vizzah"
c-land, please keep in mind this is what's in store for YOU in t minus 15 days!

Make sure you don't have slim fast powder, milk, honey brown ale, peanut butter and saltines in your house when Vizz turns up, c-lando. That blend sounds fucking disgusting!

Brilliant story.
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Buzzstein

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"You Won't Believe What I Did Once...!"
« Reply #3 on: June 13, 2005, 06:46:53 PM »

amusing...HAHAHA!  Tell us some more stories Vizzah and Rafe.

I've never done anything stupid in my life, so I have nothing interesting to share.  Sorry.
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scurvygirl

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"You Won't Believe What I Did Once...!"
« Reply #4 on: June 13, 2005, 07:34:10 PM »

This one time, I got drunk and kicked l.diddy in the junk.  And then I slapped him really hard.  Because unlike TEng, he was too slow to block me.  Learn from TEng, l.diddy.  He knows how to block the bitch slap.
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The Engineer

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"You Won't Believe What I Did Once...!"
« Reply #5 on: June 13, 2005, 07:39:59 PM »

Once I went to a bar with some fine young German lasses.  Mind you, these were the two hottest German girls I have ever been able to convince to drink with me.  I got rip roaring drunk and started proclaiming to the whole bar that "All Germans are Nazis."  and "I like to kill Nazis."  I stopped drinking for a couple of months after that incident.
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Action Jim

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"You Won't Believe What I Did Once...!"
« Reply #6 on: June 13, 2005, 08:48:52 PM »

Quote from: "thelunarbee"
This one time, I got drunk and kicked l.diddy in the junk.  And then I slapped him really hard.  Because unlike TEng, he was too slow to block me.  Learn from TEng, l.diddy.  He knows how to block the bitch slap.


Just for the recod, you also threw pretzels.  And almost killed CockneyRebel.  And told Kwyjibo to "eat a dick," and then to "eat a whole plateful of dick."  But those last two were pretty damned funny, so it more than makes up for all that other stuff.  

As for things I've done...

Well, this one comes to mind because of the trampoline thread.  This was in high school, and I was with some friends of mine.  The kid whose house we were at had a very big trampoline.  Now, it's time for a little physics lesson:  there's a little trick you can do with a big trampoline if you get enough people on it.  Get four or five of them around the outer edges, and one in the center.  Then time the bounces so that the people around the outside land a moment after the person in the center, just before the trampoline is about to propel that person back up into the air.  What this does is impart tremendous tremendously dangerous amounts of kinetic energy into propelling the center person upward, so that they go much higher than they would normally.  

This is all fine unless people get out of synch, and then the person in the center gets shot out at about a 45 degree angle and lands in the yard and breaks his leg.  

Unfortunately, that's not what happened to me.  If I'd done that, people might have been sympathetic.  Instead I only mostly got propelled toward the outer edge of the trampoline, and landed on the steel outer support ring.  Or I should say I landed straddling the steel outer ring, which was made of approximately 2.5" pipe.  Now I weighed a more svelte 160 pounds at the time, but that's still a lot of weight to land on your nutsack with, particularly when it's accelerating at 9.8 m/s/s from about 10 feet in the air.  

It hurt.  A lot.  

I rolled off and landed in the yard, where I lay for a moment.  My worst mistake was saying "I'm okay," because that's when the laughter started.  I crawled off to my car where I laid in the backseat for a while, aching.  

I have not been on a trampoline since.

----

There were of course many substance-fueled instances of idiocy in my college career.  For example, I was once at a party and trying to light a cigarette for a girl off of a stove, because someone had taken her lighter.  Suffice to say that if you're trying to do this while inebriated, be careful, or else you'll scorch off a lot of your hair.  And people will laugh at you.  The only good side is that it apparently turned off the girl I was lighting it for, who (as was explained to me later) was of questionable virtue.  So I was better off that my drunken pursuit of her was foiled.
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Nate

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"You Won't Believe What I Did Once...!"
« Reply #7 on: June 13, 2005, 09:03:38 PM »

I jumped naked out of a 3rd story window into an eight ft. pile of snow once.

I won by the way.
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scurvygirl

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"You Won't Believe What I Did Once...!"
« Reply #8 on: June 13, 2005, 09:05:24 PM »

Quote from: "l.diddy"
Quote from: "thelunarbee"
This one time, I got drunk and kicked l.diddy in the junk.  And then I slapped him really hard.  Because unlike TEng, he was too slow to block me.  Learn from TEng, l.diddy.  He knows how to block the bitch slap.


Just for the record, you also threw pretzels.  And almost killed CockneyRebel.  And told Kwyjibo to "eat a dick," and then to "eat a whole plateful of dick."  But those last two were pretty damned funny, so it more than makes up for all that other stuff.  


Ohhh, I forgot about what I said to Kwyj.  No wonder he's been such a cockmuncher today.

Oh, and this one time, I flashed a passing car full of guys who were yelling shit at like 2am in downtown Dayton.
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Action Jim

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"You Won't Believe What I Did Once...!"
« Reply #9 on: June 13, 2005, 09:06:14 PM »

Ah, Der Vizzah's story of "DRUNK2K" reminded me of a particular New Year's Eve story from a few years ago.  I was at a party, and I was single at the time.  I was tearing through Bombay Sapphire like it was my full time job.  Now, if I happen to be single and drunk, and if you're hot and you come on to me, I will absolutely make out with you, no questions asked.  

.

.

.


Even if your fiance is right downstairs.  

That evening ended poorly.  

But at least I didn't get my ass kicked, since he was more mad at her than me.  Just for the record (not that this makes it right), I didn't know the guy, so I'm not a total asshole.  Right?
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scurvygirl

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"You Won't Believe What I Did Once...!"
« Reply #10 on: June 13, 2005, 09:10:42 PM »

Now what about stuff done while sober?
Because in the past two weeks, I've a) propositioned a guy who was in drag and b) sat in a furry's lap.
Now just for the record, I didn't know the guy was a furry until later.  The first clue should have been when he had to turn around three times before sitting down.  Seriously.  Oh how I wish I was making that up.
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Jonathan

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"You Won't Believe What I Did Once...!"
« Reply #11 on: June 13, 2005, 09:50:48 PM »

Quote from: "Nate"
I jumped naked out of a 3rd story window into an eight ft. pile of snow once.

I won by the way.


You won what?
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LanneyD

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"You Won't Believe What I Did Once...!"
« Reply #12 on: June 13, 2005, 10:31:29 PM »

I was looking for shoes a while back, and figured they'd have them at Dick's Sporting Goods.  I decided I'd check their website first, and possibly save myself a trip.  So I typed in dicks.com.  Needless to say, I didn't find my shoes on that website.
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Cockney Rebel

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"You Won't Believe What I Did Once...!"
« Reply #13 on: June 13, 2005, 10:51:24 PM »

One year during the annual two week 'summer holiday' (always known as "The Lads on Tour") with all my UK friends, when we would invariably go down to Cornwall and terrorise the locals, I
a) drove most of the way there with a car which wouldn't stay in 4th/Top without jumping out, so my solution was to hook a bungee cord behind my seat and whenever I changed into fourth, held it there with the other end. (My early exercise in hickdom)
b) ran out of milk in my caravan, so ate cornflakes doused with vodka for breakfast one morning.
c) ...actually two mornings because I enjoyed it so much the first
d) ran down a road after a friends van and jumped up and held onto the wing mirror, legs flailing just above the tarmac, whilst he then raced along a country lane at 40 mph
e) got so miserable at the (then) news of Marc Bolan's death, I got blind-fucking-drunk for maybe 48-hours straight during which time I inexplicably spoke in an American accent

Most of my "you won't believes" are as a result of alcohol - or drugs - or both. Which is why I can't criticize Lunarbee.... hell I'm sure I too have done somebody some physical harm in the past whilst heavily "under the influence"?
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Nate

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"You Won't Believe What I Did Once...!"
« Reply #14 on: June 14, 2005, 12:03:33 AM »

Quote from: "Jonathan"
Quote from: "Nate"
I jumped naked out of a 3rd story window into an eight ft. pile of snow once.

I won by the way.


You won what?


I kicked that snowdrift's ass.  Also, I won the drinking game that stupid event  inspired.
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Each day you have a choice - hilarity or insanity.
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