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[clemsonfan]

When I was 12, I crashed my parents' car at a car wash. When I was 16, I flipped my car. I'm an excellent driver!

[cuddlyevil]

This is a sober story:

Just after we graduated high school, my sister and I were hanging out with some friends at a  graduation party. Two of our friends (Rob and Ben) were screaming drunk and suggested we go to Durand Eastman park (for those not in the know, it's a small-ish park with a semi-secluded beach on lake ontario--a tad unsavory after dark). My sister and I are bored, so we tell them we'll drive. After a brief stop at charlotte beach (which involved drunken ben hiding underneath one of the lifeguards overturned rescue boats screaming), we hit durand park. We make our way to the beach and are walking along the shoreline when we came along a few folks around a campfire. They invited us to join them, we hung out for a while--discovering along the way that one was a crack dealer and his girl was a hooker, they were out with their friend for a quiet evening on the beach. No biggie, they offered all of us a lil something, we politely say no, they're cool and things go on.

By now, the drunk boys are feeling ill and wanting to head home. Sis and I are fine with that, so we pile into our 1984 ford tempo and head toward home. This is where things hit a snag. Ben (who is not only a tad flaming but a very loud drunk) sees a group of people by their cars in the parking lot of the beach. So Ben thinks it's a good idea to scream something to the effect of "Hey! Your girlfriend's hot". At this point the other drunken boy is closing the window on Ben's face and my sister's floored it. To no avail, the group of people jumped into their cars and made chase. They tried blocking us in on three sides, my sister drove up over the gutter and a bit of someone's lawn to escape them. Then, we had to run a redlight using the lefthand turn lane to get away. We floored it and made it to Rob's house where we dumped off our drunken counterparts and turned around and took ourselves home. On our way home, we saw one of the cars that was chasing us. To this day, we don't know if they realized it was us--or maybe they were in the same position we were in. Dunno. We drove the rest of the way home quickly and once we got into our neighborhood, turned our headlights off.

And then later on we wondered why the tempo had some problems.

[foolsgold]

In the 5th grade, I was nearly the same height (for those who don't know me, I am freaky tall) I am now, but strip 100 lbs off of me.  My best friend, at the time, outweighed me by a good 50 lbs.  Anyway, we were locked out of my parent's house and like any young twits, we raided the garage looking for something to get into.  We found a pair of my old Big Wheels and decided to ride around in my driveway, even though I kept chinning myself with each pedal because I was so tall.

Before too long, we decided that playing chicken would be a grand idea.  So, building up steam, we tore off towards each other, neither one of us 'chickening.'

Crash.  *Inertia*  *FG flying over my friend's head and landing some distance away from the site of impact on my face and skidding another 6 feet or so.

Blood, broken nose, my friend goes white and passes out.  As my tears mixed with my blood, I walked to a neighbor's house to seek first aid, but upon seeing me, she screamed and gave me a (as in singular) Kleenex.  

After several towels and much to do, the bleeding slowed and I sent my friend to get my parent's who were down the street watching my sister's soccer game.  Very smoothly, he told them, "Can I talk with Mister Foolsgold...in private."

Long story longer, my nose was broken, never fixed and I still can't properly breathe out of it.

[foolsgold]

Oh yeah, and the stupidest thing I ever did was to date 3 girls named Amy/Amie.

[berzerker]

Oh yeah, and the stupidest thing I ever did was to date 3 girls named Amy/Amie.

Simult-amy-ously?

[Kwyjibo]

"DRUNK2K"

I think we all have a Drunk2K story.  Even I peed in public that night.

[berzerker]

Well, summer after High School, I decided to have a party while my parents were away. It was pretty big... we didn't really plan on it getting that big. Things started off alright... (no names have been changed, as to not protect the uninnocent.)

We got a keg. I think Keith faked his ID, or they never asked. I don't remember. We also mixed up some trashcan punch. So, we think we had the beverages covered.
We locked the doors, and Bill and I were the only ones with keys. We figured that the guys could piss outside, and well, if the girls were cute, one of us could escort them inside. Everybody was to stay in the backyard, which was big, and had various foliage all the way around, to conceal the hundreds of underage drinkers inside.
At one point, we ran out of beer. Keith had to go back and get another keg.

The music was provided by Dave, who was in my bedroom with 2 CD players, a turntable, a tape deck, a mixing board and a microphone. Oh, yeah, and 4 speakers on the roof of the patio. Playing loudly.

Did I mention that my house was on the same street as the police station, which was about 8 blocks away? And, that the city border was one block away? And that the cops usually drove by my back yard as often as every 15 minutes?

Somehow, the cops showed up. I was inside, hitting on a girl who was not my girlfriend, when keith grabs me and says "Cops! Let's run!" If I had not been tipsy, I probably would have realized I was in my own house, and therefore had responsibility for the whole thing. So I ran.

We walked around the block, and came past Bill talking to the cops. He says, "I don't know where Mike is..."

Eventually, we went to the police station, and I told them it was my house, but I wasn't there when they showed up. They didn't arrest or cite me, they just said that my parents would find out. Not sure if they ever did.

When we got back, there were 6 of my friends upstairs, chairs circling the keg, at the perfect tap hose length radius. So I joined them, and drank some more. Turns out they hid the keg in the elevator (yeah, it was a big house) while most of the others hid in the attic. 2 of my friends had relatives that were cops and they would have gotten a lifetime of shit for getting caught. Oh, yeah, and there was a bit of the marijuana smoking, post-party. We got Dave to eat the roach.

Cleanup - in addition to the 2 kegs, people brought their own beer. I took in the empty beer cans and collected about $35 in Michigan's $.10 can deposit for my troubles. So, about 350 cans of beer in the backyard. Not bad. Since everybody was outside, cleaning up wasn't that big of a deal.

And, like I said, I'm not sure if my parents ever found out. I had the luxury of having 3 older brothers, who had all had parties before me. So I'm sure my parents had seen it all before. In my yearbook, one of my friends sister wrote something like "Did you ever get in trouble for that mega-bash at your house? It was totally kick ass!!!"
My dad read that and said, "Who's Leslie?"
"Um, Brian's sister."
He just nodded.

[Bluelupis]

Oh god.  All I do is embarass my self so I needn't really say anything at all but let's see -
- I think I've told the story of myself shitting my pants at the bar. (told)
- Monster Truck fiasco (told)
- Sumo Skating (told)
- stumbling home drunk with a random and passing out rubbing a batch off trying to perform (with my face in a not so handy spot to be passing out in).  Woke up with her phone number on a post it Sticking OUT MY ASS! (All truth be told folks)
- Passed out from the incense at a funeral when I was an altar boy and scattering smouldering incense pebbles across the carpeted church.
- Drunk calling one night I accidently speed dialed my mom where I started talking really really dirty thinking I had called a lady friend.  When told "Tony, this is your mom."  I shot back "What ever turns you on 'Jane'.  I'll be your daddy, neighbor or priest as long as you stop by and have a nightcap."  "Anthony John!  THIS IS YOUR MOTHER!" "Uh... Mom? Fuck.." click.....
- Didn't pull all the way out while urinating in a bathroom wearing khakis. (More than once)
- Wanted to be a garbage man as a youth because "they only work once a week"
 
- It goes on and on as my pinata like double helix threatens to exlode.

[Jonathan]

- Drunk calling one night I accidently speed dialed my mom where I started talking really really dirty thinking I had called a lady friend.  When told "Tony, this is your mom."  I shot back "What ever turns you on 'Jane'.  I'll be your daddy, neighbor or priest as long as you stop by and have a nightcap."  "Anthony John!  THIS IS YOUR MOTHER!" "Uh... Mom? Fuck.." click.....

The bar has been raised, folks. You're going to have to come strong if you want to beat that story.

[cuddlyevil]

Jonathan, I don't think it's possible to beat that story.

[foolsgold]

This might be selfish, but I really hope that Tony never stops drinking.

Although, I suspect he'd probably be doing the same things sober.  

[Juliana]

"DRUNK2K"

I think we all have a Drunk2K story.  Even I peed in public that night.

Everybody but me that is.  I stayed home and played Millennium Edition Monopoly with my family.

[clemsonfan]

I don't have one either. I had the flu that night.

[Rafe]

I think I've told the story of myself shitting my pants at the bar.

You're not alone there! I did it in the car park of ASDA most recently. My wife loves that story.

Anyway, the day I got my A-level (HS Diploma?) results, my friends and I went out on a drink/drug fueled bender which lasted roughly 24 hours. On the way home from a late night lock-in at our last port of call, we decided we wanted to play on the fruit machines. None of us owned one, so we sourced a machine from a local drinking establishment, and carried it between us to the house we were crashing in (they are very heavy). It didn't work properly when we plugged it into the mains in our mate's garage, so we lit a bonfire, destroyed it with a sledgehammer and burnt it. The Police were called and we were all subsequently charged with theft, arson, wasting police time, trespassing, causing a disturbance and being a bunch of cunts.

I was out with friends in London one night, and we were joking around about pole dancing, a jocular theme running right through the evening. On our way home from the club, I decided to shimmy up a Lamp post and "pole dance". Hilariously, I fell off said lamp post from quite a height and cracked a couple of ribs. After initial concerns, my mates then started pissing themselves, mainly because two concentration camp-size CCTV cameras were staring silently down at me. For weeks afterward, I secretly dreaded seeing the footage being replayed on an episode of "Police, Camera, Action!".

[Dan]

we were all subsequently charged with ... wasting police time

They can charge you for that?  Isn't that what they're supposed to be doing?